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#9184 - 08/14/06 01:43 PM Drinking
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Day 3 w/out alcohol.

God help the person who cuts me off on the way home tonight.

J


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#9185 - 08/14/06 04:56 PM Re: Drinking
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Just make sure that you don't get bored, keep yourself occupied. You can spend many hours in the chat room here at MS, or work on your bike, whatever. Stay busy.


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#9186 - 08/14/06 05:02 PM Re: Drinking
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
If I knew this 'not drinking' thing came with all these new feelings I wouldn't have stopped. Or I would have replaced with something... like heroin.

Of course I'm kidding about that... kind of...

I'm feeling very negative, very cynical, completely alone. I don't usually feel those things. Then again I don't usually feel much of anything.


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#9187 - 08/14/06 05:13 PM Re: Drinking
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
I know that flat-line feeling, where you never feel good about anything at all. Jaysen, I take it that you're not suffering from any withdrawl symptoms? If not, THAT IS GREAT NEWS for you!

Now, where are you in life right now? Are you working? Do you LIKE what you do? Are there perhaps other goals you might like to achieve besides just being sober?


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#9188 - 08/14/06 05:26 PM Re: Drinking
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
No, I was fine until Saturday. At least I had convinced myself that I was. Now, yeah, that's a good way to describe it, flat-line, I like that.

I don't know, some maybe but not so bad. I kind of feel like ripping my skin off and crawling out of it, or maybe more like my skin is crawling and I can't get away from it? Anxious, very anxious, on edge, DYING for a beer but will have a smoke instead. Could cry like a 3 year old girl at any moment... or not. If it gets worse than how I feel now I'll have to... I don't know what, something. I'm having bad thoughts, like not suicidal thoughts but close.

I don't know, I feel all messed up today but I'm handling it.

Yeah I work at a bike shop, Boston Harley, ever hear of it? I love what I do. Other goals besides being sober? hmmm... not really. Never gave it much thought. Just figured I'd work, make money, drink/party, get laid, die. Maybe not in that order.


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#9189 - 08/14/06 05:35 PM Re: Drinking
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

It doesn't sound like withdrawal, just anxiety because instead of numbing out with alcohol you are just taking things as they come, and dealing with them as yourself. Maybe what you feel is insecurity, like, "Can I really do this?"

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#9190 - 08/14/06 05:40 PM Re: Drinking
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Well whatever it is, it's ridiculous!


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#9191 - 08/14/06 05:42 PM Re: Drinking
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Find a purpose for yourself. If people get to know you and love you, you can get out of that flat-line mode. When you only think of yourself and what makes you happy, you automatically forfeit the opportunity to MATTER to other people, and to make a difference in their lives. Shaodwkid will tell you himself that his life is so much richer now that he's become involved in the lives of a family that he's neighbors with. The kids look to him as a Father figure and look to him for support. He's made a HUGE difference in their lives by simply not only drinking and partying etc., he's feeling good about just being around a new family that loves him.

Another example, I am considering being a big/brother even a foster parent. I won't do it until I have a career going, I have to provide a good example to do it right. But that's what I'm thinking of doing. How about you?


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#9192 - 08/14/06 05:49 PM Re: Drinking
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Matter to people? Nah, I'm way too selfish to care about anyone but myself. And if you're close enough to me to care about me, then you're close enough to hurt me too.
So I don't think so.
Nice thought though.

I think it's great that Shadow got involved like that, looked at like a father figure? That's awesome. The big brother thing / foster parent, that's great too... really... I envy you guys. It's just never going to be me.


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#9193 - 08/14/06 06:12 PM Re: Drinking
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Well, you have many hard-coded patterns of thinking to change, and remember, you're only JUST starting to deal with your abuse. It's going to take some time ok?

Only care about yourself? I could swear I saw this guy named Jaysen on the MS DB reply to other people's posts and try to help them. It must have been another Jaysen.


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