My first response is a suggestion that everybody re-reads ROADRUNNER's post. I think it is so spot on Larry. Thankyou. I almost don't feel I can add anything further that is worthy but here goes anyway.

Being a Survivor for me means acknowledging that bad sexual abuse happended to me as a child, it was wrong, it wasn't my fault and it's the reason why so many things are out of whack in my life and emotions. All basic abuse survivor 101 stuff I know, but it helps knowing why and knowing that it's not just me being messed up for no particular reason.

Way to go Roadrunner/Larry!

I'm here. I made it. When life tried to beat me, I survived. I was strong. I am strong. No matter how bad it gets, life won't get me, because I long ago decided....when I was a small child....that, if this is the way it was going to be, I'd be one of the ones who made it. I'm just too damn mean to give in.

Now, that said, I have a terrible time surviving me. They/He are not going to beat me, but what about that strong little guy inside me who decided to win at all costs, who put his vulnerability away, put his hard little head down and charged into life? The final fight for survival is between us. The hurt didn't go away, it was just pushed aside for awhile until there was time to take it out and look at it again. The old me didn't even know it was there until it came bursting forth seemingly out of nowhere...with a vengeance.

And now being a survivor means a whole different thing. I have survived life through pure will. Now it's not enough just to be strong. Now I have to have more. Now I have to understand instead of just accepting all of those things...the baggage...that I carried with me through life. Now I have to be healthy. Now I have to overcome "him" and what he did and how I reacted, and I have to bring feeling back to that little guy who put it away so long ago.

Before, being a survival meant getting through life at all costs and coming out the other side alive and strong. Now being a survivor means recapturing all of those feeling parts of me I had to put in safe keeping to do that. Bobby

Contributing to the community. Peace, Andrew

Gosh Bobby, It's like you read my mind. How did you do that? What you described as your view of "Survival" is taken right out of my playbook.

Bless you for putting into words what I could not.

Courage,

John

Thanks a bunch guys for posting what "survivor" means to you. It has really helped me a whacking lot.

I go back and read this periodically just to make sure I remember some of the things you said so that when the dark moments come I can remember them and begin to think more positively.

Courage,

John

It means nothing to me. It is the latest buzzword to hide what we really are: victims. I didn't survive anything. I was the victim of a monster hidden in human form and no buzzword is going to change that or help me recover. Nor will my recovery take place by identifying myself with the latest catch phrase. I was a victim. Now I am not. Simple as that.

Ok, Nobby. That's an interesting way to look at it. Sort of where I started some time back. When you say you didn't survive anything, I assume you mean that figuratively since you were alive enough to post your reply.

I really would like you to unpack what you said a little more if you would since in a way I can relate to what you say. Just not able to verbalize it. It could be of help since to me it doesn't seem quite as "simple as that"

Courage,

John

Nobby,

Like John, I would like to hear a bit more about what you meant in your post. I don't say this to confront you, just to ask.

In one way I would agree: nothing (not a buzzword or anything else) can change what happened. But to say "I am a victim" means what? In an SA context I would take that to mean "I was harmed for the sake of someone else's gratification". But how then is it that you are no longer a victim?

I suppose any term can be loaded with meaning for some and just a buzzword for others. Maybe it would be helpful for you to discuss a bit more fully how you feel about this.

Take care,
Larry

I think the word survivor has two meanings. First, if we are still here, then we survived the abuse and were not destroyed by it either by the perps of such abuse, at our own hands, or through self-destructive behaviors. Personally, I considered suicide alot. Second, survivor also implies what Roadrunner spelled out as an active healing process. I like to think of this as a "practicing survivor", not someone living passively and just hanging on that survived as in the first example, but someone engaged in healing and the discovery of all the good things that actually do exist in this world, including themselves. But it is true, to be a survivor is to be wounded physically/mentally/spiritually, and that like any severe wound there are bound to be scars that linger throughout our lives - an unfortunately reality. I refer to mine as the invisible 800-lb gorilla in my back pocket. Thanks for the thread John, I grew a little bit reading all the responses.

Thanks again,
John