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#9160 - 10/09/01 07:04 PM memories from last night when i woke up after feeling something breathing on me
Anonymous
Unregistered


My first list of memories. Jigzaw puzzle pieces all waiting to be fit together. Alot are missing but some form large parts. Not enough pieces to see clearly though. Too much confusion, disorientation, pain.

3years old=my mom fondling my foreskin with her lips. Me laughing and covering my genitals.

7years old= molested by a stranger several times not sure how many. I don't remember his face just that he would grope me in front of my father which led me to think that my dad knew what was going on.

7yrs-12yrs old=several encounters with other boys my age. 3 maybe 4 different boys all different ages all wanting something different.

13yrs old=forced rape by black guy who would stab me in the legs with a pencil. Not to hurt me but to make me do what he wanted. I would read to him an autobiography of Sammy Davis because he was illiterate and he would laugh and smile when I read. He was a nice guy and I guess who wanted to get off. I don't remember how many times.

14yrs old=stranger who tried to get me to suck on his penis but I ran out the window where i lived because he was a roomate of people that lived there. he had on another occasion tried to get me to enter a room with 3 other men who wanted to rape me. I know that but I wouldn't go in the room. He was kicked out the next day. Never saw him again.

14yrs old= had a stranger pull his penis out and wanted me to suck it but I ran as fast i could home. I use to go to the beach all the time and I was on the railroad tracks and I just rant as fast as I could away from him. there where two other guys with him.

15rys old=fondled by a guy at the gym who told me to pull down my pants. I was soo stupid. I just froze and did what he told me to do. fuckin basterd. I won't say his name though because he lives in SAN JUAN CAPISTRANO AND HE IS VERY WELL KNOWN. basterd!!!

14yrs-16yrs= Had sexual encounters with a boy who was 13 -14yrs. We were best friends and we both wanted to do it. I know this for a fact because we both initiated it and we both would seek each other out. We moved away from each other. You can say he was my first boyfriend. =-) First person who didn't want me just for sex. I was 16 what did I know???

20yrs old=raped by a friend of mine. a girl who knew I was "gay" and procedeed to undo my pants after I told her to stop. she had just got outta the room with a buddy of mine. I felt used i felt like one of her little fucks. We were supposed to be friends. i felt like real shitty. she was supposed to be my friend. i ate her out to make her happy. bitch. I shouldn't say that I care about her alot. I think she was molested too as a kid that is why she is soo messed up. i dunno. we dont talk anymore. i lost respect.


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#9161 - 10/11/01 08:15 PM Re: memories from last night when i woke up after feeling something breathing on me
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1221
Loc: Northern Ohio
god auggie, that absolutely horrible.

_________________________
Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein

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#9162 - 10/14/01 10:23 AM Re: memories from last night when i woke up after feeling something breathing on me
Anonymous
Unregistered


thank urso,
Ya I actually wrote it just to let it out. I know you can't respond to something like that so I guess you can say I wrote it for myself. My mom doesn't know any of this. It's amazing what you will tell total strangers eh?? I am not sad anymore.
Whatever comes my way can't be as bad as what I have been through. I have been through the pits of hell (I mean that) and now there is nowhere left for me to go but up. Straight up baby. I feel like I've lived 100 years. I've seen so much shit. But now I can just laught at it. I have seem things that most people would think are crazy but they are all part of me. I have learned alot. I am only 21 but I am a very old soul. When I die I will die a happy auggie. =-)


p.s. I like your site.


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