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#9012 - 04/22/03 06:45 PM Bad Boy !!
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
In my post "Childhood Hero" Victor said this in one of the many replies ( thank you all )

Quote:
my last overt SA having occured at age 11, driving me into rebellion & trouble.
And it made me think about the way my behaviour changed at exactly the time my abuse started.
Before I was a normal ( that word again \:D ) enough kid, cheeky and a bit mischeavous I suppose. But after the abuse started I got a whole lot worse and started stealing, vandalizing, fighting , answering back and generally became a problem child.

After I left school and the abuse stopped I calmed down again, although I was very rebelious ( still am a bit ) and had little regard for authority ( still don't ! )

The trouble I was in at the time was serious enough to get me caned regularly, and one time I remember the headmaster telling me that he would have expelled me but it was only about a week until I left the school anyway. ( I'd thrown a teachers bicycle in the river, got caught smoking and stealing all within a week :rolleyes: )

Maybe I was hoping someone would ask "why ?" - but who knows ?

Anyone else go through this ?

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#9013 - 04/22/03 07:18 PM Re: Bad Boy !!
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
Well, my abuse started so early that I don't have anything to compare myself too, but I was a horribly bad adolescent. It was past normal mischievousness... I was just delinquent. I imagine my abuse had something to do with this, but maybe I would have been this way even without my abuse. Who knows?

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

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#9014 - 04/22/03 07:28 PM Re: Bad Boy !!
wanderer Offline
Member

Registered: 04/18/03
Posts: 50
Loc: massachusetts
I hear you loud and clear on this one, Dave. I went from being and A and B student to a C and D student, got suspended in school for fighting, and got thrown out of the house for punching out my dad. If my parents only knew what was going on with me at the time. I asked my mom a while back if she had an idea what was going on during those years and she said "yes". I asked her what dad would have done had I told the both of them back then. She said "he would have killed the bastard". Deep down I think I knew that and that's why I didn't say anything.

_________________________
"i'm not crazy i'm just a little unwell" (matchbox 20)

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#9015 - 04/22/03 08:20 PM Re: Bad Boy !!
Tom S. Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 161
Loc: Nashville, Tn
I never was rebellious, I had to work too hard.
I had to be quiet and stay away from other people, and focus on my job and things like eating. I could not wait to turn 18 so I could get a wife and live as a free adult.
I hgad a good number in 73' and the draft ended in 74' so by grace of God, I never had to run from the militaries authority. I never did or never will trust anyone else in a position of authority. Period. Even though the world may think I am diaganosible, I still don't see anyone willing to jump up and offer anything without wanting something form me in return like sex or an opportunity to release their own hostility and frustrations on someone else either. I have worked with some good folks that really I trusted in recent years past, but not today in this time of turmoil.
Tom S.

_________________________
' None are so enslaved as those falsely led to believe they are actually free '

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#9016 - 04/22/03 08:51 PM Re: Bad Boy !!
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
In my post "Childhood Hero" Victor said this in one of the many replies ( thank you all )

QUOTE] my last overt SA having occured at age 11, driving me into rebellion & trouble.
[/QUOTE]

Of course I was troublesome & rebellious enuf before then; however my abuse did start when I was 2 or younger.

But it was after this rape at age 11 that I started having trouble in school with skipping & grades slipping. Also shoplifting, getting into more fights (that didn't involve protecting my brother--who, interestingly, had already been institutionalized by this time ), staying out past city curfew--in addition to the substance
abuse, sexual escapades & other stuff that my mother actually got me into! :rolleyes:

Quote:
After I left school and the abuse stopped I calmed down again, although I was very rebelious ( still am a bit ) and had little regard for authority ( still don't ! )
When the abuse stopped & I was in the children's home, I didn't get into any more trouble really; tho not much less, restrained tho I was by the restrictions of the home.

What I did was pretty much give up on myself, on trying to make anything of myself; I gave up dreaming & hoping.

Meanwhile I continued to be very rebellious if more restrained, and very resentful of the authorities at the home & at school that restrained me.

My grades went into a total tailspin after being an A student most of elementary school. My behavior became even more destructive, sabotage of
myself and of any relationships I started into.

I just didn't care--least of all about myself!

Quote:
The trouble I was in at the time was serious enough to get me caned regularly, and one time I remember the headmaster telling me that he would have expelled me but it was only about a week until I left the school anyway. ( I'd thrown a teachers bicycle in the river, got caught smoking and stealing all within a week :rolleyes: )
Dave, bro, we were a couple of naughty boys, weren't we?! :rolleyes:

We didn't have canings we had paddling, with big wooden boards that whistled thru the air as I waited with my hands on the desk, the paddle lifting my arse up off the floor sometimes as the huge assistant principal or the "enforcer" at the children's home administered my punishments.

I got caught smoking at the home & at school, as well as fighting several times, for which I was often paddled and/or restricted to the cottage or to my room. I also got caught going into girl's rooms, which got me more & worse of the same; I spent virtually a whole summer restricted to my room except going to church--big whoop but at least it got me out!

Twice I ran away; the second time, in my senior year of high school, I came very close to being put into juvenile detention. Instead they put me in the temporary emergency cottage, "on probation," where I stayed pretty much until I graduated & got outta there.

Quote:
Maybe I was hoping someone would ask "why ?" - but who knows ?
Maybe I was too. Definitely I was seeking attention. Boy did I get it!

Quote:
Anyone else go through this ?

Dave
Bro, I'm still a fairly rebellious son of a gun and I still have some issues with authority.

But we've both come a long way, haven't we? ;\)

Besides, this world needs a few "rebels with the right kind of cause"; and sometimes that seems to make inevitable some clashes with misguided & even abusive authorities.

So you threw a teachers' bike in the river?!

It was the teacher who abused you, I hope?!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#9017 - 04/24/03 12:51 AM Re: Bad Boy !!
ecb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 205
When the abuse that I still remember was going on I remember getting into trouble, and performing behavior that would have gotten me into trouble had I been caught.

Usually I was just extremely angry. I can remember in elementry school there was one kid I didn't like, and I remember he and I would brawl with one another pretty often. I never got caught fighting with him though (amazingly enough.)

Looking back I think the kid probably had issues of his own, becuause he seemed to have the same kind of rage and intensity that I had when he came after me.

Another incident I recall was hurling my desk across a room in elementery school at a girl who had angered me.

I remember another time I began choking a kid who had played a joke on me.

For the most part I was okay, as long as you didn't bother me. I was a bit like a hornet's nest I guess.

My mother was called in to more than a few parent teacher conferences about my anger, but they never could figure out why I was so angry or what was wrong. They would ask me, but I never had an answer. I never really put it togeather until recently I guess.

I never trusted authority figures, or people in general though. To some extent I still don't. The only person I know wont hurt me is me, and that's all I can trust. I've come to realize that ever since the abuse this is how I have thought and its hard to break that.

Eric


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