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#9006 - 05/13/04 07:52 PM Supporting a Supporter (may trigger)
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Another one of my mini diaries?

Had a rough time at work most of last week - covering for absentees in various areas & felt like I was sprinting everywhere!

Saturday - got a text from 'my number one ear' who was in need of loads of beer to counteract a shitty week at work (full moon or plague?).

Went for the beer & also met up with another one of my mates who has just recently passed his degree & become a fully fledged physchiatric nurse (coincidence).

Texted my number 2 supporter who was in USA with his wife (visiting a dying Aunt) wishing a happy birthday.

There was no response (possibly because I got the wrong day due to not being able to read my own shorthand).

Yesterday - received text asking if he could speak to me.... turned out that when they got back from USA, they just got in the door & his wife told him that she wanted a divorce because he was too smothering with his love for her (they both had their own time for doing things)????

I am so sad for him, but it makes me wonder... is it worth really trying to love anyone, or should we just stick with having friends, so that you can never feel that 'big hurt' again???

Best wishes....Rik

Warm hands...cold heart!

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#9007 - 05/13/04 11:19 PM Re: Supporting a Supporter (may trigger)
MikeNY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 927
Loc: NY
Love is always worth it Rick.

_________________________
"Every child asks the questions which hold the answers to the secrets of the universe, WHAT?, and WHY?". --Me

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#9008 - 05/14/04 08:19 PM Re: Supporting a Supporter (may trigger)
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Rick
we take our chances in Love, but it's worth the effort to reduce the 'chance'

Dave ( married nearly 30 years \:D )

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#9009 - 05/15/04 12:32 PM Re: Supporting a Supporter (may trigger)
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2259
Loc: Maryland USA
Rick,

I think all of recovery is "trying to love again." Whether we're trying to find the source of relationship problems, trying to find the root of the self esteem problem, trying to learn what it is we drink at, whatever, I think we're really trying to find a way to love. We have to love ourselves, and we need to know ourselves to do that. We may try to make ourselves better partners, and we have to "learn to love" to do that. We just want to be the kind of friend we always wished we had, and we need to be able to love to do that.

Maybe "All you need is love" and maybe not, but it's certainly a good place to start.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#9010 - 05/16/04 01:43 AM Re: Supporting a Supporter (may trigger)
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Rik,

Love is worth it. But, that doesn't mean that you don't do things to (as Dave said) reduce the chances.

Take care, take a 'chance',
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#9011 - 05/18/04 08:25 PM Re: Supporting a Supporter (may trigger)
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Sorry I've not responded, but this is one relationship that I thought would work & it pissed me off because I like/love? them both.

With relationships:

Something to live up to:

Parents - just short of 40 years (Dad had Alzeimhers)

Sister - married about 27 years & ongoing!
Brother - 25 years & ongoing!

Me - you're joking:

8 year old & changed school ...mister popular (mega) to who???
11 - changed school again...OK / crap / OK / more crap.
12 abuse....
13 SY ....The Girl in the School was in love with me as was Tank (just advanced for her years) and a very posh one who's name I can't remember....right at the time it was dawning on me that that ******* pervert had done me over.
13 - discovered alcohol & school thought I was becoming some sort of delinquent.
44 - started to wake up from this crap & began to have 'daymares'
46 - realised the daymare was reality....BANG

Between 13 + 46:

CB - dental nurse...stingy
CH - hospital nurse...married her brothers best friend...worked in Saudi Tax free before buying own business - I became ex when cheque came back from Saudi.
MM - caught her tongue down throat of ex.

Just examples:

Friends girlfriend got pregnant & told him he didn't exist.
Friends wife had a mobile phone given to her by her lover (subsequently smashed).
Friends wife (x 2) accused them of shagging about while they were doing it themselves.

See normal people?

I am the positive one that will encourage everyone else to form relationships, I would be the best Dad ever, but sometimes I just feel like smacking peoples heads together when they hurt each other for no reason.

I have had so much support over my abuse issues & have progressed away from that, but I still find it so difficult to progress towards a meaningful relationship.

Sorry if I am negative for once!

At the moment I'll just stick to the none demanding good friends & of course people here.

Thanks ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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