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#8351 - 09/01/03 09:11 PM Sept 11
Green Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/03
Posts: 115
Loc: NYC, NY
If it weren't for 9/11, I probably would still be able to suppress my SA. The upcoming anniversary is already making me very nervous. Is there anyone else out there who is also concerned?

My two main concerns is how my job handles it and how the media handles it. Last year, I took off from work and just watched the vcr the week before, never live television. I will probably do the same thing this year.

Green


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#8352 - 09/02/03 11:05 AM Re: Sept 11
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
Green,

Thanks for reminding me to be extra gentle with myself in the coming weeks. It was my experience living in Brooklyn during 911 that thrust the sexual abuse into the forefront of my conciousness. I believe that the effects of the post traumatic stress made it impossible to ignore the agony of living in an unrecovered state.

I know I will not watch, read or participate in anything to do with 911.....on the strong advice of my therapist and based on my personal experiences.

I didn't realize how powerful the effect was until I got out of the subway station one day in January down by Trinity Church. There were hundreds of people all around and yet as soon as I took the first breath of that air filled with death, I was instantly all alone.....separated, as if in a bubble from humanity.

I looked up beyond the church, past the military and the people selling souvenirs and felt as though I would pass out. A feeling like a powerful electric current swept through me; I almost vomited on the spot. The blood was pounding in my temples. A darkness fell over my eyes.

That is part of the reason why I will avoid the media and public circus of 911. Green, I hope to make some specific plans to go and be out in a beautiful spot hopefully with a loving and supportive friend during the worst of the reopening of the wounds.

I hope that you can find some way to do the same. Maybe go to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens or up to the Bronx to the gardens there. Or get the hell out of town and do something wonderful that you've always wanted to do.

I've found that being proactive and taking preventive measures is infinitely better that waiting for the crisis to be upon me and then frantically trying to react to it. That scenario mimics too closely the horror of the terrorism itself.

One of the most useful materials I was given that I continue to use was from the Natle Institute in Israel. They specialize in treatment of victims of terrorism and unfortunately have much experience in this area.

When I read the de>
_________________________
"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

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#8353 - 09/05/03 09:22 PM Re: Sept 11
Green Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/03
Posts: 115
Loc: NYC, NY
I had jury duty today, which in Manhattan, means a few blocks from Ground Zero. There were cops on every block, barricades, closed streets, and numerous check points. In other words, it was hell.

I didn't know if I was crying because of my SA or 9/11, but I was crying a lot.

I finally was put on a panel and the defense attorney starts talking about how our rights had been taken away from us since 9/11. I lost it and called him a Bozo in front of the the other jurors while crying uncontrollably. The judge released me from the case.

I'm ok now. I just wanted you guys to know what happened.

Green


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#8354 - 09/05/03 09:51 PM Re: Sept 11
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Green,

Let it out. A lot of people are going to be reacting to the anniversary. I was acutely aware yesterday that it was exactly seven days away. I've been seeing the movie of me, the child, with the Port Authority tour guide watching the construction. Me, the smart ass kid, asking what would happen if a plane strikes one of those buildings when they're done.

I can't go on.

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#8355 - 09/06/03 12:45 AM Re: Sept 11
gryffindor Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/03
Posts: 131
Loc: St. Charles, Illinois
I finally was put on a panel and the defense attorney starts talking about how our rights had been taken away from us since 9/11. I lost it and called him a Bozo in front of the the other jurors while crying uncontrollably. The judge released me from the case.

[/QB][/QUOTE]

Green,

Bravo for calling the defense attorney a "Bozo." If more jurors spoke up during voir dire and said exactly what they thought about the attorneys and parties of a case, there would probably be fewer lawsuits.

Mary

_________________________
"Where there's a will, there's a way." American Folk Saying

"Had I not fallen, I could not have arisen; had I not sat in darkness, I would not have recognized the light." Midrash Tehillim Ch. 22

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#8356 - 09/06/03 09:58 AM Re: Sept 11
Green Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/03
Posts: 115
Loc: NYC, NY
Other images from jury duty:

Standing in the bathroom in the courthouse, looking out a window which overlooks lower Manhattan, sweating sweat drops bigger than I have ever experienced in my life.

Taking a half an hour to prepare myself to go through the metal detector. I forgot to take my palm pilot out of my pocket so I set off the alarm and had to be "wanded." Being "wanded" always reminds me of what happened when I was young.


Green


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#8357 - 09/06/03 11:10 AM Re: Sept 11
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Green, you are very much aware of your feelings and the impact events have on you. That is a gift so many do not have. Yet, it is a gift that brings overwhelming sadness.

I share your dread of 9/11. I have to give a talk on that day about it. Seems like it is an agony we somehow enjoy re-living. I want to remember, but I would rather the memory be in the back of my mind. I am talking to people who lost a loved one in that event. Not something I would choose to do.

I hope you, and all of us for whom that event is more than what it was, will get through these days with at least some sense of calm and security--small as it might be.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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