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#8280 - 09/01/03 03:37 AM Angery
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
There are people who tell me I am good or decent person, and I usual not believe of that. But I need to post of something that has me very angry, and it probable show that to be wrong, I do not feel decent to have this feeling. I usual never feel anger of anyone but myself.

But I have few people tell me, since this bad thing happen last weekend. One tell me I am wrong to not tell therapist about it this week. I know that I must tell her of it, I was not ready to this week, appointment was only few days after this happen. Feel like she say that I not doing what I need to to make things better. And then there are few people, they tell me only, 'you should not go out at bars by yourself'. How stupid I be not to know that now? Do these people think I will go out to bar next day, just to see what happen? And if they not think that, do they say it at me as it is my fault? It feels as it is some blame at me, because I be there. That I make this happen, I bring this at myself, because I be there. I already feel of this blame and guilt, why it is they feel need to say that?

Three people who say this at me, they are female. But, how it be if it is reverse. What if what happen, it happen at woman? If woman go out by self, and someone put drug in her drink and do bad things at her, and I say 'oh, you should not go out alone' or 'oh, you should not wear short skirt if you go out'. What then? People would be mad at me, tell me I am horrible person, treat me as sh*t. But, because I am man, I am responsible of this? Because I am man, and supposed of being in control of things, it is my fault? That I put this at myself? What is difference, because of gender? Does it make it less bad that it happen at man? Does it make me more responsible of it than some woman would be? That is what I feel, and it make me angry.

So, if I am man, and I am in control and responsible of myself, then I want all this, right? Why is that? That if it happen at woman, oh, you are victim, if it happen at man, you are idiot?

Hating this, hating people, hating myself right now.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#8281 - 09/01/03 11:09 PM Re: Angery
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
lEOSHA:

Quote:
Hating this, hating people, hating myself right now.
My brother you got shitty advice plain and simple. Hate your perps not your true friends and most of all never never never hate yourself ok. God we here are all masters at that. Because of the shame and guilt we carry because we were told to. God that makes me mad and hateful. It was our PERPS WHO GAVE US THE MESSAGES

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#8282 - 09/02/03 01:32 AM Re: Angery
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Leosha,

You have the right to go out to the bar and enjoy a dinner and drink. You have the right to be safe to do so.

It would be wise to discuss the past weekends events with your T, but only when you are ready.

You have no reason to feel any guilt and shame for the events of the past weekend. You did not do anything wrong. You were out living a normal life, then you were victimized by some people without any scruples. You were not stupid or an idiot for going out for dinner, they were for doing what they did.

Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#8283 - 09/02/03 02:20 PM Re: Angery
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Leosha

Quote:
So, if I am man, and I am in control and responsible of myself, then I want all this, right? Why is that? That if it happen at woman, oh, you are victim, if it happen at man, you are idiot?
NO - you are NOT an idiot, you are a person who has every right to go to a bar and enjoy yourself in safety, you did nothing wrong.

The 'advice' you got was rubbish, it's up to you to tell your therapist when you are ready to do so.
And personally I think it was possibly right to wait a week or so until you have figured it out a little bit first, arranged in your mind what you want to say and how you will say it.

Take it easy Leosha, and go at your own pace.

Dave

PS.

The use of drugs in crowded bars, and especially night clubs, over here is a huge problem, and I know that many bars have a strict policy of staff clearing away any unattended drink on sight.
Also many bars have special beer mats - coasters - that are impregnated with a chemical that will detect "roofies" and other date rape drugs.
Some give little sticks to the customers to test drinks with throughout the night.

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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