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#8207 - 08/31/03 07:00 PM .
jacobtk Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/08/03
Posts: 527
.



Edited by jacobtk (05/17/07 01:19 PM)
_________________________
Every day I die again, and again Iím reborn/Every day I have to find the courage/To walk out into the street/With arms out/Got a love you canít defeat/Neither down nor out/Thereís nothing you have that I need/I can breathe/Breathe now - U2

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#8208 - 08/31/03 07:49 PM Re: just thinking
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Jake:

Quote:
wish sometimes that i didnít have to hold back, that i didnít have to keep so much inside, that i didnít have to watch my every word. i wish things were like they are with the rest of you guys here, that i could just go to therapy and have relationship problems, be a survivor, have so sort of faith, anything to make me normal. but my familyís just not like that.
Just by posting this you have broken the cycle of silence drilled into you by family members.

Remeber whatever happened it was not your fault. By being careful and holding back you gave protection. I did that too with my perps and I am through holding back. I cannot get them but I can help others who suffer. I just dont care what the "so-called" normal societythinks about me. I care how I, Nicole Tanya and my brothers here at MS and those yet to come think about me. And they are the only people that matter.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#8209 - 09/02/03 11:31 AM Re: just thinking
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
Jake,

What a powerful and moving evocation of the silence that we have lived as survivors of sexual abuse.

Thank you for sharing that here with us, with me.

Your voice, coming out of that silence, is one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard. The voice of your hope and your wishes daring to
disturb the quietness of despair is a marvelous one to hear.

Quote:
i wish sometimes that i didnít have to hold back, that i didnít have to keep so much inside, that i didnít have to watch my every word. i wish things were like they are with the rest of you guys here, that i could just go to therapy and have relationship problems, be a survivor, have so sort of faith, anything to make me normal
May all your wishes come true, my brother. I believe that they will. I know that many of mine have, and I also once believed them impossible.

Guard those wishes; cherish those hopes; inhabit those dreams.

In the midst of your family silence, you have come upon a treasure of sound and joy. You have found yourself and your dreams and your hopes for a better life. What a precious thing you have discovered. Congratulations!

As Mike said, you've already broken the silence; you've already shattered the glass wall of isolation and breached the barriers of denial. Just by coming here.

I'm sorry for what happened to get you here, but I'm so glad you're here. How much love and compassion I hear in your voice for your dad, uncles and brothers.

Your family is really blessed by having you be a part of it.

Not all silence is bad. I think that you've just proven that.

I hope you don't mind if I share one of my favorites regarding silence and stillness. Please indulge me. I love this piece.

Quote:
I go among the trees and sit still.
All my stirring becomes quiet
around me like circles on water.
My tasks lie in their places
where I left them, asleep like cattle.
Then what is afraid of me comes
and lives a while in my sight.
What it fears in me leaves me
and the fear of me leaves it.
It sings, and I hear its song.

Then what I am afraid of comes.
I live for a while in its sight.
What I fear in it leaves me.
It sings, and I hear its song.

Wendell Berry
Maybe that's what all the singing is about.

You're in the right place, Jake, and you're doing the right things.

You can recover and you will. I know because it happened for me too.

Take care and thanks again,

Your brother,

_________________________
"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

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#8210 - 09/02/03 12:05 PM Re: just thinking
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Jake I see that you have been healing a little bit at a time for the last 6 months that you have been coming here. You have shared your story and have moved forward towards your healing. It does take a long time to deal with all the shit that we have been burdon with.

Quote:
in the back of my head iím always thinking about how close i am to being like them.
Jake you are not like them, you want to change and you come here to get some help. You are a good person.So keep thinking about how different you are then them. You are on your road to recovery. Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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