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#81599 - 09/05/03 06:50 AM For one moment
StrangerInAStrangeLand Offline
Member

Registered: 04/23/03
Posts: 33
Loc: Puyallup, WA
Sometimes...
Inevitably...
The demons strike me
when I am alone,
calm...
They creep in, through the cracks,
suddenly it is there, staring me in the face...
They always attack when I am weak.
too tired to resist...
Get down on the floor and do that sick, nasty thing one more time
because...
I want to?!
Because he wants me to.
Because I'm a little bitch o yeah that's right give it to me...
Because I'm scared.
Im so fucking scared...


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#81600 - 09/05/03 01:28 PM Re: For one moment
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Good poem. I am beginig to think that we have to stare our demons down. It is scary, but I believe that we have gained more strength and insight and we know that they are just memories from a terrible past experience, or at times they may be longings that we do not understand.

Writting as you have done gives you some more power and control. Be as patient as you can. I know, that is easy to say, but if we keep chipping away at the damage done to us, we will eventually break out into a bright day.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#81601 - 09/08/03 09:43 PM Re: For one moment
wrangler Offline
Member

Registered: 09/06/03
Posts: 84
Loc: Northern Virginia
I am in awe of this place. It is dangerous for me because it shines a light on something that I don’t want to see. Since I came here and started reading posts I have discovered this deep chasm of a wound that runs through my core… through the very essence of me. I am in awe of this place. It is beautiful to me because it tore apart the paper prison that has held me captive for thirteen years. When I discovered that wonderful people like I find here populated my private hell my whole world changed. It changed because I realized it wasn’t hell that I lived in after all.

Your poem captures so perfectly each detail of the feeling that runs through my body on a bad night. The subtle and then abrupt mental and emotional transitions are so characterized by your writing. I am so sorry that your powerful capacity for expression must find outlet here. But I am also so grateful that you could use it to help break my terrible isolation.

When you find yourself at the end of your poem and you are scared, so fucking scared, remember that you touched my heart in a way that no one else could. That, all by itself, makes you a good person to me, no matter what else life has forced on you.

George

_________________________
"Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself." -Mary Schmich

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#81602 - 09/08/03 10:17 PM Re: For one moment
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Strangerin a strange land, I have re-read you poem several times. It does make me hurt for you. Here is a thought.

Can you make your place where you sleep a really pleasant cozy kind of place? Can you use things like candles, a Teddy bear, things that make you like to be in this place.

Have you tried leaving the radio on down low. I don't like that much because when people talk during the night i get a bit frasseld at times. But I do have a cd played and I put it on constant replay. I have at times things like potpourri, because I like friendly smells. You might try leaving a low light on. I actually have a light that comes through my transom and if makes the room ;light enough that there are no shadows to scare me.

Stranger, it can help for you to tell yourself, over and over, that you are safe, that you can protect yourself, that he cannot get to you anymore, things that will help you feel more secure.

I really hope you can find some peace. What he did was truly an atrocity. He made you feel that you were not good and that he had power over you. Now, you need to know that his power is gone. You are good. What you experienced was not what real love is nor what sexuality is all about. You are going to be just fine. He is the one who should be scared shitless at this ppoint, not you.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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