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#81556 - 09/03/03 01:33 AM a few poems - may trigger
midnight51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/02/03
Posts: 132
i still am completely filled with hate right now and have been for a long time.. therapy starts soon. enjoy the poems.
-------

Innocent voice lulls me,
vicously breaking my sanity.
Stalking underneath the covers are
lusting eyes of greed.
Insides poisoned from conception,
pirckly vines encase a frozen heart.
The worm burrows in, nibbling chastity,
burning trails of hate and fear.

------

Densely disgusting entangled in vines of thorn.
Frightened, the shadow peaks with eyes innocent.
Branded ugly from indecision, child-like fear
attacks with vengeance.
Behind walls of brambles grow gardens of rose,
cloaked in fear, their petals wilt.
A dying circle of reappearance shines light to crimson thorn.

------

"I saw a vision," he says,
"it told me to use you."
"Use me?" I reply, reluctantly,
seductively lulling my shadow destructively.
Repetition of error, breaking bonds, and creating terror,
he says, "It's okay, don't worry."
Child-like curiosity shatters innocent morality.
And the worm burrows deep.
Deep and true, burning trails of fear on tattered wings.

_________________________
http://midnight61.blogspot.com/

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#81557 - 09/03/03 01:42 AM Re: a few poems - may trigger
midnight51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/02/03
Posts: 132
a few more (this poem may sound violent and sick, but I've never hurt or molested or done anything to anyone... basically it's emotional masochism - if that exists - these poems are also before memories really resurfaced hard)
-----

Existential chaos, existential death.
Alone inside my cell rolling in the mire of mother earth's rotting carcass.
If reality is what you make of it, I must have a disease.
An addicting masochistic fantasy.

I search for the keys but always come up short. Vile sickness!
I torture myself to make sure I'm still alive
preying on innocent sinners as they pass my crooked bars.
Tattered wings of vanity sheathe the wounds from my own self-deceit.

-----
Saved by the Storm

I walk outside and fire up a cigarette. The vivid display of nature in the sky reminds me that some things in life are still beautiful. Taking a drink of my beer I cough from the dececration of smoke traveling through my body. It pushes deeper and deeper until my mouth begins to salivate and I think of all the nights puking in drunken pity parties. I can taste the salami sandwich I ate two hours ago as my insides explode from my body. I'm not even drunk, but still, I get sick. All the thoughts no one will appreciate drip from my lips leaving a remorseful taste in my mouth. I feel my body getting hot as another crash of thunder lights the cloudy sky. The rain cools my fever and assures me that I won't combust tonight.

_________________________
http://midnight61.blogspot.com/

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#81558 - 09/03/03 10:11 AM Re: a few poems - may trigger
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Midnight,
WOW man these are very powerful. Thank you for sharing them. Keep us the good work. Writing is a great way to help sort out all your feelings.
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#81559 - 09/05/03 01:41 PM Re: a few poems - may trigger
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Midnight, you do express deep thoughts and feelings in a way many of us can relate to--unfortunately.

For too many years we have looked upon ourselves as though we are somehow dirty and damaged property. We are not! Sexual acts were committed on us, but that does not make us dirty. I think it would be like going into a coal mine and getting coal dust all over us. We would look dirty and our skin and clothes would be dirty. But, a simple shower and change of clothes shows us to be clean and fresh and good.

We are not dirty or rotting. We can think that we are. But eventually we come to realise that we were beautiful, probably innocent boys when we were hurt. That beauty and innocence is still in us, but it has gotten to look like there is coal dust on us. The sickness is in the adult or older boy or girl who harmed us.

You are tuned in to beauty in nature--now get tuned in to the beauty in you.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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