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#81485 - 07/31/03 06:18 PM Bleak (possible trigger)
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
A few months ago I was struggling to remember more of the abuse, especially more of the first night. I would actually react physically to the attempt to remember, and feel "assaulted" by the time the memory won and I stopped trying for the night. I did break the habit of trying after awhile.


Disturbing Memory

The memory, so quick
for something so powerful
dances just beyond my reach.
I close in
and it strikes, above my heart.
My knees soften.
Shallow breaths lighting up the pain,
I press on
and it strikes, between my eyes.
I stumble back;
I don't want this anymore.
Then I fall
and it strikes, kicking me on the floor.

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#81486 - 08/06/03 10:55 PM Re: Bleak (possible trigger)
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Lately I have been having flashbacks. I understand wanting to remember and then seeing parts of it and regreating ever wanting to remember in the first place.

I am still not sure if I want to remember more.
I know I don't like the flashbacks.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#81487 - 08/07/03 11:44 PM Re: Bleak (possible trigger)
martin Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 229
Loc: The Good Earth
I never really forgot. Maybe I'm not sure. Seems still kinda fogged out. It was dark.

Get it out Joe, you are stronger than them. You are!

Aaron

_________________________
Its times like these we learn to live again,
Its times like these we give & give again,
Its times like these we learn to love again,
Its times like these time & time again.
-The Foo Fighters

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