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#81485 - 07/31/03 06:18 PM Bleak (possible trigger)
outis Offline

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
A few months ago I was struggling to remember more of the abuse, especially more of the first night. I would actually react physically to the attempt to remember, and feel "assaulted" by the time the memory won and I stopped trying for the night. I did break the habit of trying after awhile.

Disturbing Memory

The memory, so quick
for something so powerful
dances just beyond my reach.
I close in
and it strikes, above my heart.
My knees soften.
Shallow breaths lighting up the pain,
I press on
and it strikes, between my eyes.
I stumble back;
I don't want this anymore.
Then I fall
and it strikes, kicking me on the floor.

"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

#81486 - 08/06/03 10:55 PM Re: Bleak (possible trigger)
michael Joseph Offline

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Lately I have been having flashbacks. I understand wanting to remember and then seeing parts of it and regreating ever wanting to remember in the first place.

I am still not sure if I want to remember more.
I know I don't like the flashbacks.

Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

#81487 - 08/07/03 11:44 PM Re: Bleak (possible trigger)
martin Offline

Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 229
Loc: The Good Earth
I never really forgot. Maybe I'm not sure. Seems still kinda fogged out. It was dark.

Get it out Joe, you are stronger than them. You are!


Its times like these we learn to live again,
Its times like these we give & give again,
Its times like these we learn to love again,
Its times like these time & time again.
-The Foo Fighters


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