Newest Members
JimHouston42, GKB, MorganWut, myrlin, AaronS
12466 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
BobdaFarmer61 (53), LeeM1974 (40), MATROS48 (57), victor valdez (40)
Who's Online
1 registered (Jay1159), 57 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12466 Members
74 Forums
64008 Topics
446738 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#81242 - 04/03/03 08:45 PM You Bastard
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
You Bastard

Fucking touch me,
I dare you.
Fucking ruin my life,
You can only fucking try.

But I won't be ruined,
Just fucked up.
Fuck you for
Fucking up my life.

I wish your body could be
ripped apart by
wild fucking dogs.
Starting by ripping off
your fucking genitals.

I want your fucking
balls on a platter.
I want you to fucking die.

Take the pain you gave me,
and suck it down your throat.
You fucking Bastard.
Fucking leave my body alone.

By M. Joseph

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#81243 - 04/03/03 09:08 PM Re: You Bastard
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Michael: I could not agree with you more!!!!

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

Top
#81244 - 05/16/03 08:56 PM Re: You Bastard
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Thanks Mike for saying so

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#81245 - 05/20/03 01:15 PM Re: You Bastard
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
MJ:

Thanks for putting into powerful poetic words some
of my feelings about my parents who both incested me. If you want see my recent post in Male Survivors, "I'm Not a Bastard."

Thanks again. Awesome stuff.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#81246 - 09/30/03 07:05 AM Re: You Bastard
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I hate my father figure with a passion

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#81247 - 10/11/03 12:11 PM Re: You Bastard
wrangler Offline
Member

Registered: 09/06/03
Posts: 84
Loc: Northern Virginia
I know the sort of anger I read in this poem. I have felt it many times myself, although when I get in that mood I usually have enough to go all the way around. I can hate him for a while, but then I have to hate my mother, my wife (ex?), my friends, my family... ever now and then I go to far and I start hating myself.

I am grateful that I don't have the bouts of anger too often because they are very intense and leave me feeling exhausted for quite a while. But when they come I don't resist them either. Letting that hate and anger come to the surface helps connect me with what is really going on inside.

I don't mean any of this in a fruitcake sort of way. Quite literally I got myself into a place where I could not get angry. I might get mad over something stupid, but no honest to god anger. But lately I have had days like this poem and I know that I *am* angry and that it is real.

Rambling again, so i stop.

_________________________
"Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself." -Mary Schmich

Top
#81248 - 06/13/04 10:16 AM Re: You Bastard
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
30 years later since the father figure started to ply with me. There has been healing, but the damage was great. It is good to give voice to the pain. Anger is good!

mj

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#81249 - 11/14/04 04:33 AM Re: You Bastard
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
he hurt me to the core

you bastard what the fuck were you thinking

I made it out ok after almost 30 years of pain


if I could change one thing it would be this, I would growup on a deserted island where noone canhurt me

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#193979 - 12/06/07 12:28 AM Re: You Bastard [Re: michael Joseph]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
This one poem

expresses anger about the total amt of abuse I endured

I am glad it is printed for other survivors to see in a book

written by male survivors so they will understand better

what we men go through and that is is not ok for men or boys

to be hurt. We have no magic wands to make it go away, and we

are not thicker skinned than women to the point that we can get

over it quicker. No one should be hurt like this male or female.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#209601 - 03/08/08 05:36 PM Re: You Bastard [Re: michael Joseph]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
seems there is a lot of anger we each have

I think I tapped into only part of mine

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#210061 - 03/11/08 11:12 AM Re: You Bastard [Re: michael Joseph]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Michael,

I remember see this a long time ago, in the In Cabin Six collection I think. I hope recalling it since then helps you come to terms with what happened.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#210516 - 03/13/08 04:07 PM Re: You Bastard [Re: roadrunner]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
yes it is in "IN Cabin Six" I wrote the Poem for the book.
It took 5 years for it to get published. The anger is not as strong.and I know one thing noone deserves to be hurt like this not one of us.

Thanks Larry

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#271654 - 01/17/09 12:56 AM Re: You Bastard [Re: michael Joseph]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I was locked in a house for 10 months by someone who said they were my friend I was raped before I left 10 months to the day I moved in jan 15 is the day I moved in nov 15 I moved out

I am mad

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#271684 - 01/17/09 08:35 AM Re: You Bastard [Re: michael Joseph]
nathan555 Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
being raped left me feeling like a dish rag
used

and I am shocked that my father took me that house
day after day
to be left in a dark room
and raped when my perps came in to rape me

shit - I was 2

Nathan


Top
#271769 - 01/17/09 11:28 PM Re: You Bastard [Re: nathan555]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
that is very sad Nathan

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#271795 - 01/18/09 10:53 AM Re: You Bastard [Re: michael Joseph]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
mj,

I so feel your anger and hatred and emotions.

Everytime I wake up from the nightmare of my perp. brother raping me I feel your words of just how much hate I have toward him. The nightmares don't go away. The feelings don't go away. The emotions don't go away. The past does not go away.

I have heard said that time heals all wounds. I don't think I will live that long. The wounds are so evident in my life. The healing has yet to begin.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

Top
#275599 - 02/17/09 01:48 AM Re: You Bastard [Re: michael Joseph]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
well one of maybe two anger poems, this one is special

being in print whit 13 forms of the f word and I can fig our how to put at least 5 more f words in when my book is printed there is one f word I might add,

suck it down your fucking throat

anyone wants to add other places I will consider it.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#275602 - 02/17/09 02:06 AM Re: You Bastard [Re: michael Joseph]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, michael.

Wow, you have done it again. But in a very different way ANGER.
But you might want to add Bitch to it too.

No, as was used in one of the above messages

TIME DOES NOT HEAL ALL WOUNDS.

I doubt if our terrable wounds will EVER heal.

Thanks again Michael, my brother/friend, Heal Well.

Pete (Irishmoose)



Edited by petercorbett (02/17/09 04:21 AM)
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#297726 - 08/01/09 10:24 PM Re: You Bastard [Re: petercorbett]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Healing comes to us in different ways for different reasons

at 47 I am better off than when I was 18 at least I would hope

I have learned somthing

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#298322 - 08/07/09 01:06 AM Re: You Bastard [Re: michael Joseph]
nomansanisland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 156
Loc: NM
my words exactly...thanks for sharing your words. nomansanisland

_________________________
" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drum. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau

Top
#298338 - 08/07/09 05:55 AM Re: You Bastard [Re: nomansanisland]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1146
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Originally Posted By: michael Joseph
Healing comes to us in different ways for different reasons

at 47 I am better off than when I was 18 at least I would hope

I have learned somthing


(((MJ)))

I have no doubt that you (and me) are better off now.

What does "better off" look like? For me, its not turning the anger inward anymore or believing the lies. Fuck the bastard indeed.

mad
Jim

_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

Top
#298342 - 08/07/09 07:09 AM Re: You Bastard [Re: Jim1961]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
hi michael joseph,

Since there was a new answer I went back and read your poem...as the kids say nowadays...sweet!!!

thanks,

_________________________
the family
the perp

Top
#303133 - 09/17/09 08:54 PM Re: You Bastard [Re: sono]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I will be reading some poems at a candle vigil for survivors
I may be the only adult male survivor present. This will be in Oct.

Sometimes there is so much anger you do not know what to think.

But anger is not the only emotion.

There is a balancing act with all of this.

Hope all of you are surviving.

MJ

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.