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#8122 - 02/04/05 10:36 PM Screwing up at work
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
I don't know what it is, I seem to be screwing up at work all the time. Things that should occur to me (what to check next, etc) just go out the window. I know these things but its not until someone asks me why I didn't do such and such that I realize it. Things take me alot more time to do. I'm a mess

Jason

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#8123 - 02/04/05 10:54 PM Re: Screwing up at work
Glen Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 71
Loc: Wisconsin
I have the opposite problem I over analyze everything. And I hate being wrong. I start telling myself that Im a screw up and I hate it but I still do it.
G

_________________________
Please tell me why..

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#8124 - 02/04/05 11:03 PM Re: Screwing up at work
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Jason, you are not alone, I screw things up bit style somedays, I hate it, because I always believe I have to get it right.

Don't blame you, you are not the only fallible guy, other workers make mistakes, maybe you just flip at making them, I do.

I think with me it is a feature of OCD, morbid fear of getting it wrong. Look more at the good work you do, rather than the bad.

We live in a World where greed stamps his ugly foot all over us, we must do better, do more, for the same money.

Where I work, they have cut the staff so many times, people are off sick, so we just get more and more stressed by doing more work, sometimes I say to myself, hey, why not get out, just like all the other jobs, but I stay and carry on with the stress.

It's my little boy inside, he is saying he has had enough, he tries to tell the man he now is, that it can't go on.

But, unemployment is not an option,

Sound familiar?

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#8125 - 02/04/05 11:33 PM Re: Screwing up at work
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Jason
When I frist started dealing with my CSA work was a Hard place to be and i made many mistakes. One thing that helped was I carre\ied a notebook ,pen and highliter. I would highlite all the important things on the work order and then check them off once the trask was done. It was my way of double checking my self.
Also when your mind fills with things take 30 seconds and try to hit the emty button to start over. Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#8126 - 02/05/05 02:00 AM Re: Screwing up at work
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Nobody can kick me in the ass as hard as I do. Even for the slightest perceived screw up. I guess that is why I am not self-employed anymore, I can't stand to work for that asshole.

When the feces matter impacted the rotary oscillator of my life, I did screw up a lot (and I mean a lot). It has improved dramatically. Iím back to getting residents calling in complimenting and thanking me for the service I have given them. Still not back to the level where they write "Letters to the Editor" with the compliments, but hey what do you expect - how often do you see residents writing nice letters about public servants. The screw ups will decrease. Your mind is on a lot of things right now. Talk to your pdoc and get the extra help keeping your mind on track. We still have a job to perform so we can put a roof over our heads and food on a table.

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#8127 - 02/06/05 03:52 PM Re: Screwing up at work
Raphael Offline
Member

Registered: 10/10/04
Posts: 67
Jason,

A couple of months ago the SA issue re-emerged in my life in full force and I got pretty messed up. I couldn't concentrate at work, I couldn't stop crying, it was terrible. One thing that really helped me was to keep a "to do list" on my desk, where I could see it. Then I would try to move from one task to the next without having to stop to think "what next?" and then get distracted again with my emotions. I hope something like this can work for you too.

All the best,
Raphael


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#8128 - 02/06/05 05:00 PM Re: Screwing up at work
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
Seems like this is a problem that many of us face. I know that I sure have had my share of screw-ups and even more feelings like I had screwed up....not just at work, but my whole life.

That sort of "ruminating", mulling over and over emotionally charged issues, such as perceived examples of inadequacy or outright failure, is generally recognized as a SYMPTOM of depression.

At least that's what my shrink tells me. And it makes sense. I would tend to think that I screw things up and that makes me realize what a mess I am and then I get depressed.

But once again, I seem to confuse cause and effect. According to him, my over focussing on emotionally charged issues such as this is because I am depressed. That leads to lack of attention span etc, which causes me to make mistakes, which begins to feed the fire of emotional charged ruminating which goes on and on etc. etc. ad infinitum.

So, for me to look at it as a depression problem made it easier for me to remove the judgemental cast I put onto myself. If I were sick with pneumonia and was making mistakes becaue of that, would I still curse myself and question my ability? OK, maybe I would....but if a good buddy of mine was in that situation I would certainly cut him a lot of slack.

Maybe I'd even congratulate him of being so dedicated to be at work while dealing with such a serious illness.....

Get the idea? When i started to change the way I looked at my mistakes, screw-ups etc. and saw them as a side effect of the illness of depression caused by the sexual abuse, then I could see a wonderful solution to my problem.

The solution? Compassion.

Yeah, I need to have some compassion for myself. I have to remember to treat myself with love and compassion as I would a beloved friend who was ill.

Once I start treating myself with love and kindness and viewing my problems as part of an ongoing struggle to overcome severe effects of being victimized and traumatized by being sexually abused, then some of the pressure comes off. I can relax a little and break the cycle of depression, screw up, feeling inadequate, more depression causing more screw ups etc.

Our culture tends to insist on minimizing any sort of emotional or psychological suffering, especially I think for men, and especially, especially if it interferes with the God of materialistic society;;;WORK.

That's all a bunch of bull crap, IMHO. We are men, not machines. We hurt when we are injured, as we have been. It matters little what others think or feel about what happened to us.

What is important for me is for me not to fall into the trap of minimizing the terribly difficult circumstances I am seeking to recover from. And then I can remember to put it all in perspective and quit being so hard on myself.

Sadly, it helps me to think of the countless thousands of men who were sexually abused and who never got the chance to recover from the effects that poisoned their lives. They were too busy hiding, minimizing, covering up and lacerating themselves for not being 'perfect'.

So many of us die from this stuff because we are told to minimize its effects and we go on and do it. Until one day, the man can't take it any more and kills himself or drinks himself to death or accidently runs into a bridge abutment on the highway.

Hey, let's all remember how far we have come, how many obstacles we have overcome and treat ourselves and each other with impeccable compassion and kindness and love.

All of our screw ups will fade into nothing when seen in that light.

Thanks for reminding me today to love and nurture myself. I have been really seriously overworking for the last two weeks with my tulip harvest and my health is starting to suffer as a result--and I still worry and lambast myself for not doing enough. It is a type of madness and I'm glad to have this place to come to so I can stop for a while.

I wish you all moments of peace, hours of happiness and years of love and compassion.

Regards,

_________________________
"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

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#8129 - 02/07/05 12:51 AM Re: Screwing up at work
FlyWM Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Michigan
I know how you feel, somedays I screw things up royaly, but then others I'm such a perfectionist nothing gets past me. But I never realize any of it until I, or someone else, takes a step back and objectively look at it. Usually it takes someone else saying something to me, for example, a while ago I had to write a contract up, not one to hold up in court, but one just to explain the agreement between the parties, anyway, I didn't realize it but I ended up writing as if it was the Magna Carta, and I didn't realize that until my boss called me on it. But other days I screw up BIG, I think that is just human nature, especially when we are working through not only work, but also survival from abuse.

Peace,
Scott

_________________________
Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible in not a declaration, it's a dare.

--Adidas

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#8130 - 05/18/05 05:22 PM Re: Screwing up at work
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
I spend so much time trying to be a perfectionist, that I hardly ever get anything done \:\)
Ive even forgot where I put my todo list :rolleyes:
I just brought this back for newbies,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#8131 - 05/21/05 04:57 AM Re: Screwing up at work
G5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 203
Loc: New Jersey
My experience has been that the mistakes I do at work, with friends/family, are sometimes cries for attention. I think we all do it in a certain way, but we are doing these "things" that are percieved as screwing up our lives to let others know that we are in pain: without actually telling them. My friends and co-workers were supposed to (in my mind,) read into my actions and understand what I was going through everyday. I wanted special attention at times and I would act out aggressively because maybe I felt like someone in my situation was trying to control me. Needless to say, I don't like being told what to do and I would (and still do) act out to protect myself. But this anger is misguided. It is still our anger, but directed to the wrong people at times and then it feels like the whole world is spinning out of control because I have to apologize once again for my actions.
After one incident at work a few years ago, I had just had it with my pain. While saying I was sorry to my boss again, I just broke down and cried....balled my eyes out and explained to him that I was molested as a child and that I'm having a difficult time right now, and that this was the reasoning for a lot of my outbursts. He didn't know what hit him, because all of this time he never picked up on my "clues" that I had been giving to everyone for years....how could he! I had put all of my efforts into disguising my pain, protecting myself, only I knew.
Eventhough my former boss was a dope, I still admire him for how he handled the situation. I am grateful for the opportunity to open the bag with him and explain my actions....what a difficult time, but also what a relief. To finally have someone understand about my actions, even a little. (he was I think the 4th or 5th person I told...and actually the last person.)
All of these things we do to protect ourselves, to survive, can reach a point to where they just get in the way. I am fortunate to have reached some of these points, and I'm fortunate to have some understanding people in my life. I try to work hard everyday to push aside these old "protectors" and well, just live. The effort to hide the pain is exhausting. So what to do? Talk. Let the truth out somehow. Use this forum. It's your life, not our predators. Try the simple stuff like making a list to help you cope, but also try to allow someone into your life everyday. Just by saying hello to someone can be difficult, but in the long run it is so rewarding. Say "thank you" to someone that helps you in a simple way and soak that good feeling in....I wish I could explain myself better.....lets keep working on our pain, my experience has led me to some wonderful things that I thought could never happen in my life, but it has. Keep up the good work everyone.
Chris

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