You express yourself in a most powerful manner. I am glad you were born, sad that you had such awful things to experience, but happy not only that you have given life to your children, but you describe a pain that so many of us feel and can't express.
I truly hope that you know that your life has been a treasure and that it was right for you to be and to remain to be.
Read the poem Desiderata if you get the chance--you can find it through a search engine.
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.