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#81146 - 03/07/03 02:55 AM A poem - Triggering
InjunE Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/01
Posts: 89
Loc: Ohio
Forgive and forget, is what they say
You have to forgive those that wronged you, let your anger go away
You have to love your family, through thick and thin
There can be no exceptions, no matter the sin

The bible says these things, my mother does too
But god doesn't exist, and my mother is a fool
For if there was a god, how can I be?
I'll never understand how my mother can't see

A person like me should have never been born
Someone filled with fear, and a soul that is torn
Someone who wants to kill, and envys the dead
Because the dead can't have these thoughts in their head

Sometimes at night, I wake to the fear
Relive the memories, eyes filled with a tear
To remember the things that were done to me
To fear sleep, for thats when they come near
They come in my dreams, They wants to molest me
In my dreams I am little, So they get the best of me
I remember how they hold me down
I remember my face being pressed to the ground
I remember the pain that came from behind
I remember on my childhood they dined

These memories come often, when I close my eyes
And when I awake, I remember their lies
They say it never happened, I must be nuts
Because I am the only weeks child with the guts
To tell my parents what happened to us
How our aunts, uncles and their friends had the lust

My brother is too weak, he turned to crack
Because he couldn't handle the fact
The memories are killing him even to this date
Because he can't handle the weight

My sister is a little bit crazy
The pain drove her there, but to her it's hazy
Because she put those memories out of her mind
But those memories forever, her soul it does bind

As for me, I face the pain
Deal with it, or go insane
I hold alot of hate for those that did it
I alone have the anger that has been lit
I must be the one that gets our revenge
The ones that wronged us have never paid penance
Even if they have, the pain they have caused
Would have caused their lives to be lost
Because out of all they have done
They haven't destroyed this son
All they have done, is make me hate
And I have learned how to wait
To take a life, would not bother me
Especially when it will set our souls free
They created this monster, not caring about life
Only about my sons and my wife
When it is time I will complete my task
In their tortured screams, I will bask

When I am done, and they are all dead
Then maybe, I can get to bed
Get a good nights sleep, no nightmares
Not open my eyes, remembering their stares
Maybe my brother can get off the crack
Become a real father, for which his children lack
My sister can maybe stop lying
Living in her own world, her way to stop crying
Maybe then I can care about life and death
And someday be able to take my last breath
Not as a tortured, but as a free man
On my own two feet, be able to stand

I just need to right the wrongs in my heart
But I have no idea on where to start
I feel my soul will never be clean
Always to hate, to always be mean

But I can never forgive, It can never be
Because I will never be truely happy
My innocence was taken when I was a little kid
I must have deserved it, but I don't know what I did

Forgive and forget, is what they say
You have to forgive those that wronged you, let your anger go away
But when those that wronged you, Take your innocence away
No matter what the consequences, you must make them pay

_________________________
Without my sons, I would not be here.

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#81147 - 03/12/03 09:43 PM Re: A poem - Triggering
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
You have made a choice to love your wife and sons.

You have made a choice to hold hate in your heart.

You can change those choices, but hopefully you won't except for the second choice.

To forgive is not to say it was OK

To forgive too soon takes their pain away but not ours.

You seem in this poem to be leaning towards making a choice to live and enjoy life. That is a great choice. You deserve happiness and peace in your mind and heart.

Your relatives sound awfully sick to me--but that does not excuse a thing they did.

I pray that you can hold your little boy when you were being abused and tell him that it was not his fault, he did not deserve it, he was an innocent child, and you will not let them hurt him again. It might really help the llittle boy who was you.

Thanks for your poetry.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#81148 - 03/14/03 08:02 PM Re: A poem - Triggering
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
InjunE
Quote:
Because out of all they have done
They haven't destroyed this son
And they never will, they don't have the strength that you have.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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