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#81086 - 02/16/03 02:42 AM Shadows
Dante Christopher Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/03
Posts: 10
Loc: Waukesha, WI
i'm sorry for this in advance my "t" says i should try to post some of my 'words' here. i understand if it must be removed.
d.c.

shadows peering through a crack,
absorb my mind, take me back,
how do I know who you really are,
beside your face, that ugly scar,
the telltale signs you cannot hide,
i know who you are, where you reside,

for i am your uncle,
i’ll take you away,
no matter how hard you try,
you cannot stay,

let go,
let the feelings grow,
release,
for i shall never cease,
my power will only increase………..

and the suddenly,
as if it were dawn
a light appeared,
and then before long,

the echo of a thousand cries,
overtook the light and filled the skies,
i felt my soul powerless,
out of control,

my mind went blank,
then heaven sank
to hell.

say nothing boy,
for you will see
that all your beloved,
believe only me,

so,
go through your life,
quietly.

and I did.

d.c.

_________________________
Dante Christopher

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#81087 - 02/16/03 03:02 AM Re: Shadows
Don-NY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY
DAnte,

This is beautiful and powerful. The images you created have brought tears to my eyes.

You have nothing to apologize for. Your words belong here and I thank you for sharing them.

The quiet is now broken. Thanks for trusting us to hear you.

Donald

_________________________
If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

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#81088 - 02/16/03 08:20 AM Re: Shadows
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
DC:

Ditto what Donald says...

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#81089 - 02/16/03 10:46 AM Re: Shadows
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
DC

what a poem. it tells my story. our souls lost, powerless... a poignant image of the darkness we live or have lived in.

as Donald and Victor have said, you don't need to apologize or say 'i understand if ... this must be removed'. you have just as much right to be here as anyone else. you/we can trust the moderators to guide you/us if we stray into inappropriate territory with our posts.

thanks for the poem dc. i'm deeply moved by it.

jer


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#81090 - 02/16/03 03:33 PM Re: Shadows
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Hi Dante Christopher,

As you can tell, your poem touches us deeply. It is beautiful and I am going to print it out and put it a book I am keeping of poems that deeply touch me. We have some real artists here and you are one of them.

Dante Christopher, we do not take postings of survivors off the forum unless the poster is making a direct attack by name of one of our other posters. We do ask that if a fellow survivor has a compplaint against MaleSurvivor or one of the Administrators or Moderators that they contact us thru a personal message.

It is good to write the words: POSSIBLE TRIGGER when any of us write about the acts of abuse against us. But the reason we are here is to help all of us who share a dreadful brotherhood, that of being men who have survived sexual betrayal and violation.

It is good to see that you are well enough to be here at the forum and talkinf with us. We would miss you a lot if you were to not be with us.

Thanks for all you have done for us in your postings.
I look foreward to seeing you again soon.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#81091 - 02/20/03 01:24 AM Re: Shadows
Dante Christopher Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/03
Posts: 10
Loc: Waukesha, WI
Thank you all for your comments.
It is very hard to post my poetry here.
I will try again in time.
This poem is less poetic and more a nightmare.
The shadows were always a problem for me as a child.
I felt no protection from light and all safety in darknes.
d.c.

_________________________
Dante Christopher

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#81092 - 02/20/03 08:46 AM Re: Shadows
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
The shadows were always a problem for me as a child.
DC,

For years I used to have this recurring flashback, more like a snapshot:

I'm 2-3 years old, lying in my bed at nite, when onto the wall off my bedroom door this silhouette
forms, to the haunting intro music of "Alfred Hitchcock Presents."

As my parents would watch TV at nite, shadows from the TV would fall on that wall which I could see thru my bedroom doorway. When they watched Hitchcock, it was as tho he were coming into the room to get me...

In the last year or so I had flashbacks of my mother & father incesting me. I've been feeling as tho somehow this & the Hitchcock snapshot were connected, but couldn't put my finger on how...

DC, somehow when I read that 1 short sentence--

Quote:
The shadows were always a problem for me as a child.
--it came to me: the Hitchcock shadow scared me so badly as a child becuz it was reminding me of the shadow of my father, or mother, coming into my room to take me to their bed.

The Hitchcock flashback thru all these years has been my suppressed memories of the incest trying to fight their way to the surface, the screaming of my inner child.

Thanks Dante. You helped me fit another piece in the right place in the puzzle that is my life.

Take care

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#81093 - 02/20/03 08:55 AM Re: Shadows
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
d.c and vic,

safe hugs for you if you can accept them.

jer


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#81094 - 02/20/03 01:53 PM Re: Shadows
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Jer:

Yes, thank you.

And right back atcha bro!

TC & TTYL

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#81095 - 02/26/03 09:32 PM Re: Shadows
Dante Christopher Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/03
Posts: 10
Loc: Waukesha, WI
Thank you, so much for you positive response. Maybe some of my other poems could find their way to this group.
This was one of the hardest to post.

Shadows were all i had to cling to as a child.

There were two portraits of my great grandparents.
They were quite old,
My family was quite poor,
So these images were all that remained of them.
They were hung in the basement,
Near the coal bin,
There was a lot of junk downstairs
It was a place i would hide,

i still do,

When trouble would start,
When my uncle would look for me,
i would hide near the portraits,
They would scream at me,
Declaring my sins,
Telling my truth.
They, the portraits, would tell me,
That i was dead,
And all of my fear was,
Because i was a girl,
In a boys body,
That is why my uncle did me,
That is why i should be dead.
Boys in girls’ bodies are to be beaten
That is when,
My mind went blank,
Heaven sank to hell
Because i ceased to exist
i went elsewhere.
Another place with no pain,
Where i could quietly be punished.

Now, i know about disassociation and MPD.

Thank you for the hugs, from here i can accept them.

d.c.

_________________________
Dante Christopher

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