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#81 - 07/26/03 09:03 PM What is good self-esteem
martin Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 229
Loc: The Good Earth
Whatever it is I don't have it or only in fleeting doses.

This question came about from me a journal entry I made today to document the cyclical thinking/behavior that has dogged me my whole life. I go through this cycle of feeling inadequate or worthless, leading to shame and more feelings of worthlessness, going to some type of compulsive/numbing behavior which enventually leads to guilt and remorse. Then the cycle begins anew.

Sometimes I stall the cycle by doing something useful or productive. Then though my thinking goes that I have to keep this up keep doing the good stuff then it will be ok. Eventually I get tired though and may start to slip into the cycle again.

As I was writing this out the thought came to me that this cycle is due to low self-esteem --obviously. The times when I stall my low self-esteem engine they don't last because I don't know what positive self-esteem is.

I thought positive self-esteem was achieving great goals and getting people to love, admire, and accept you. Not true. It can't be. There are plenty of people walking around that don't hate themselves but don't acheive fantastic goals, at least not by the measure of what I thought I had to acheive.

So what could that illusive thing that is feeling good about yourself be? And how do we find it?

My thought is that it is a sense of calm and confidence about who you are. Knowing and accepting your virtues, limitations, and faults. And being able to accept others for theirs thereby finding acceptance yourself.

Maybe thats what this whole journey of recovery is?

I don't know.

Aaron

_________________________
Its times like these we learn to live again,
Its times like these we give & give again,
Its times like these we learn to love again,
Its times like these time & time again.
-The Foo Fighters

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#82 - 07/27/03 09:12 PM Re: What is good self-esteem
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Aaron
I agree, it's about "being cool with yourself"

It's about not beating yourself up because you still haven't mowed the grass, fixed the broken door or whatever job it is we've put off. Long grass ? more comfortable to lie down on and enjoy the sun.

'Healing yourself' a bit hard today ? lie in the sun, don't sweat it.

I'm sure self esteem is pushed back down just as much by the ordinary pressures of life as they are by major traumas, but it's not all in one big lump.
Life just nibbles away at our self esteem.

It's up to us to not feel guilty about what we don't do or achieve, well; not as guilty.
What we should do instead is praise ourselves for what we have achieved and done.

If it's inventing a new cocktail to enjoy in the long grass or overcoming the urge to look at porn or act out, sing your own praises.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#83 - 07/28/03 10:21 AM Re: What is good self-esteem
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Martin:

Self esteem and image. Wow. Without it life is a real screwed up mess. Here is a thread you might like to read.
http://www.malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=001661#000000

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#84 - 08/06/03 01:47 AM Re: What is good self-esteem
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
It is interesting to me, to come here for second time in long time, and see this post. I was just thinking some about this myself, today. I go more often to a forum that is mixed, male and female, but of course, more is female there, only I and another male who post regular there. But I wonder today, is it because I have the low esteem, does that make me less threat to the ladies there? Is that why I am welcome there, because I am less of a 'man' in behavior? I know this is not real a response at you, just is what I was thinking of earlier today. I hope that you continue to do the journal, I think it help to settle your thoughts more? And maybe, if you do document of the times you feel better of yourself, you can see patterns, of what you feel good about, and do those things more often. I wish you well.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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