I apologize in advance. Somepeople are offended that I ever feel this way. But sometimes I'm too confused and immature to realize I should hate. This is to the babysitter who abused me, but I can't seem to stop hoping that she loves me. It's pathetic really.

Pride of the Dark

In my front porch there is a Navajo rug that keeps out evil spirits. We got it too late and we trapped one in. The kids said the house was haunted, overgrown with bushes, painted nightmare green. In the basement and between branches there were secret places where countless children and shadows had hidden. The perfect place, the perfect game; nobody could find us together. But what spirit was there, what thing stole your will, to use the dark hiding place for its own purposes? Was the darkness like you? Was it love at first sight? Did it claim you to claim me, the adorable little morsel of a boy wrapped around your finger? You were my third mother, of choice not birth or law. And I was the shiny object that you would not let go of even to escape a trap. What trapped you and did it trap me too? I couldn't have left you in the dark alone.

Did the dark love me? Did it claim me from the beginning, born into darkness rescued by suburbia then restored to where I belong? Did the evil take you for you, or was it looking for me? Please let it be for me cause that's all I have to believe in. Am I the pride of the dark, a jewel off the devil's throne, some ultimate prize of innocence, some symbol of the fall, the apple so irresistible as to make you sin? Am I still special? You said I was special. Did I do something wrong?

Tell me you hurt me because I was beautiful when I cried. Tell me I was so cute you couldn't help yourself. Tell me you really loved me. Do you still? Am I another persons mistake; are you trying to forget me. Are you guilty? Did you come to say sorry? Did you come cause you missed me? Did you come knowing that I never could grow up; that you could hurt me again and again? Am I the only one?

Tell me I'm the only one. Its so cold down here without you.