Have had a very difficult couple of days.

On sunday I sent my sister and brother an letter telling them about the abuse. Thier initial response was to say that they support me and belive me. Then yesterday I got a phone call from my sister trying to convince me in every way not to tell my parents(my mother is my perp). She asked how sure I was and if I realized what it would do to the family. She tried about seven different ways so I wouldn't tell them.

After I talked to her I went and bought a stuffed fox and called it RUE.

Then I called my brother and he was very short with me and didn't really talk.
This morning I got an email from him restating the same things my sister said the night before.

They are really clever and asked questions like: Are you sure that it happened or are do you believe you are sure that it happened. Because if you only belive you are sure but are not sure then maybe you should wait to tell our parents.

I then called my brother and told him that I am not going to keep quiet or let them manipulate me into not telling my parents.

At this point I sent a letter to my parents saying what happened. Right away my father called me and told me that he was sorry for not protecting me and that he did not know that my mother was abusing me. He said that it was not my fault and that he did not know what to say. He told me that he knew something was wrong when I was a child but he was to afraid to find out. He did ask me questions as to how I was and about the support system that I have. He was really supportive and said almost all the right things. He is also going through therapy for a love addiction and is in the process of divorcing my mother.

I wrote to my mother and told her not to call me but that she could email if she needs to. I am really scared that she is going to call anyway and I really don't want to talk to her. What would I say? "It was you who destroyed my life and did this to me."

Just needed to puit it in words.

In case you are wondering i live in switzerland and my whole family lives in Toronto, Canada

Thanks for listening/reading

Hi Sabooka,

I know how hard it can be with telling families. Its hard to know what to expect as has happened with you initially I was met with belief and ‘me too’ from one brother only later to have him disbelieve and be furious with me. It can be hard for siblings to accept the truth as it puts them in a position of needing to reflect on their own childhoods and they may have huge resistance to doing that.

I am glad that your father’s initial reaction was supportive and validating. Just wanted to offer you some cyber support with what is a brave move. I find any interaction with my family gives me a pretty emotionally turbulent time.

Good luck
Peter

sabooka,

your father strikes me as a good man, from what you shared. The whole revelation took a lot of courage on your part.

Sabooka, first I thank you for help you give to me.

It is very strong thing, that you done that to tell your family. I am sorry your brother and sister, they do not support you. Your father, he sound as a very good man, and I am happy that it seem you will have his support.

My mother, she call me quite few times last week and before, after she do not call me much at all since I live here. I finally break my phone. As friend say, well, you could just change the number. But I get angry at it. Maybe if she call, you can just hang up the phone, and send her message to say, now this is my rule, you follow it or I do not speak with you. I think that will be most hard, I am sorry it must be as that to you.

VN