Newest Members
Jerone, teba, Serpenta, mojo, James M
12114 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
chrisH (34), Malaki619 (32), worcester2003 (51)
Who's Online
5 registered (Cam76, GT13568, Serpenta, CafeMan, BraveFalcon), 73 Guests and 1 Spider online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12114 Members
73 Forums
62504 Topics
438065 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#80764 - 07/25/02 10:41 PM Knowing me Knowing you
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
Once again my wife told me to move out. What am I gonna do?

This is how I feel...

No more carefree laughter
Silence ever after
Walking through an empty house, tears in my eyes
Here is where the story ends, this is goodbye

Knowing me, knowing you
There is nothing we can do
Knowing me, knowing you
We just have to face it, this time we're through
Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go
Knowing me, knowing you
It's the best I can do

Mem'ries, good days, bad days
They'll be, with me always
In these old familiar rooms children would play
Now there's only emptiness, nothing to say

Knowing me, knowing you
There is nothing we can do
Knowing me, knowing you
We just have to face it, this time we're through
Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go
Knowing me, knowing you
It's the best I can do

Knowing me, knowing you
There is nothing we can do
Knowing me, knowing you
We just have to face it, this time we're through
Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go
Knowing me, knowing you
It's the best I can do

Why can't I get her to walk with me? Why do I want to wish myself away so bad? I can't stand this anymore.

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

Top
#80765 - 07/26/02 12:35 PM Re: Knowing me Knowing you
mrsunshineguy Offline
Member

Registered: 07/13/02
Posts: 67
Loc: Texas
Hi orodo,

That is rough stuff. So sorry for you.

I think the story ends however you (all) choose write it.

Maybe take the alone time to work on you and get you cleaned up?
Your problems do not rest within your wife, do they?

See you,

Sunshine.


Top
#80766 - 07/26/02 11:14 PM Re: Knowing me Knowing you
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
I don't understand about the "get myself cleaned up part". I'm sober, drug free, monogamous (might as well say celibate), good to my kids, wait on everyone in my family, responsible, have a good job, all that. It's never enough. I have to be "all better" too. I don't know how to be "all better" and "over it". She doesn't have the answers for me there, and is no longer interested in helping me find them. So she wants to give up, get rid of me, and move on. It's just a big "whatever" to her. The only person who I thought I could count on to walk with me on this road. Only true friend I have in life. With friends like that, who needs anyone else. I packed a quick escape bag tonight and hid it. Next time she tells me to split, I'm outta here. I don't need this shit from her anymore than she needs it from me. So there.

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

Top
#80767 - 07/27/02 05:35 PM Re: Knowing me Knowing you
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Hi Orodo,
Peace and all that is good be with you.
You have been suffering a lot lately. Your poetry is powerful and shows a loving, beautiful side of you.
It sure sounds to me that your wife needs to have someone who can help her understand the depth of the harm that comes from being sexually abused as a male. It is different for a female. They do not suddenly wonder if they are Lesbians etc. But it takes a long time for them to be open to sex as an expression of real love.
I certainly hope that you are a honest, open and willing with your therappist. And that the T is not incompetent.
Have you and your wife ever attended Marriage Encounter? That is not for marriqages in trouble, but it is a weekend of excellent communication--just between the two of you.
Are you educating your wife. Has she read any of the books we read? Victims No More, Abused Boys etc.? She will be full of doubts and fears about what she does not understand--the same way we are in the same situation.
You have been blesswed to have children. I hope that both of you want their experience of family to be loving and healthy one. Maybe you should think of family therapy if these is lots of tension in the house. I lived in a situation like that--I have still not been able to relax and my entire family are dead--have been for years.
Remember Orodo--you are a good man, a good person. Horrid things happened to you and you have survived. Lesser men did not and could not.
E-mail me or call if you want to talk--I think you have my address.
Ask God to give you and your wife the graces he promised to have for you when you gave each other the Sacrament of Matrimony--in a sense it is okay to tell God to put up or shut up with those promises graces. Nope, I was NOT struck dead for writting that to you. God can take it.
your brother
Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

Top
#80768 - 07/28/02 12:11 AM Re: Knowing me Knowing you
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
she won't go to marriage encounter
thanks for your kinds words. it's means a great deal to me

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

Top
#80769 - 08/01/02 08:45 PM Re: Knowing me Knowing you
mrsunshineguy Offline
Member

Registered: 07/13/02
Posts: 67
Loc: Texas
Hi orodo,

So sorry for such an insensitive term on my part. I did not mean that I thought you were or are in anyway *dirty* or defective. I just used the term clean-up for myself, and sort of figure that we all (still) have stuff to clean up. Or else we not be here.

But, what I was really trying to say was that the only, only, only person who can really, really help you is . . . in the mirror.

Our problems now, (as well as our solutions) are not the abusers, not our partners/spouses, not our therapist(s), not this or any other group.

But I do understand about the non-supportive partner. My ex was a highly co-dependent (big, big. name) therapist. When I (finally) started into real therapy, I chose not to have her involved in the *selection* of therapists and she became enraged and tried to *crash* me.

Geeezzzz, when my ex went wacko on me . . . she sent out a bunch of *about your friend* emails to my friends and co-workers, and even worse she wrote *secret* emails to members of the online group I was part of, trying to convince them I was some sort of unknown threat and risk ? some bounced back through our business server and I was able to catch, download and document all her crap . . .

And yeah, it was high internal trauma. I had to sit on the floor for that part of real therapy. (my legs would start bouncing to the point I could not sit on the couch. You know, gotta run, gotta run)

But for all that (and other crap) she pulled, that was not where my problems (nor their solutions) came from.

The problems that really tear us up, and the ones we can actually fix, are all on the inside of us.

Strangely enough, I have been blessed for the process. Now, I have a totally supportive girlfriend, also an SA survivor, as well as a 12-stepper, but still, all the problems I have are my own. While I did not choose them, they are still mine for now, until I resolve them.

They are not my exs, my girlfriends, some therapists, the perps or anyone elses problems at all. They are mine. All mine. Only mine. They are especially mine when I am being careful not to dump them on anyone else.

And there is no better (or more desperate, or needed) time to work on them than we have to deal them as our own.

But, in closing, please let me apologize again, and wish you the best.

Peace and Healing,

Sunshine


Top
#80770 - 08/01/02 10:34 PM Re: Knowing me Knowing you
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
I get it now. You are right. I am learning this slowly. Still have a hard time not laying blame elsewhere and trying to find answers in other peoples head. Someday. It's a long lonely road to wander for me. Thanks. (no apology needed BTW)

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, Publius 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.