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#80697 - 06/25/05 03:49 PM Re: Il pleure dans mon coeur
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Kev, it is a nice gesture to share this poem.
I think you have a gift for writing like this, because you write it from the heart.

thanx,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#80698 - 06/27/05 04:46 PM Re: Il pleure dans mon coeur
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Kevin,

I was looking over the list of new poems when the French title of one of my favorites jumped up at me!

Yes, there are many renderings of Verlaine's classic, but IMHO yours is one of the best. The way you shift the poet's visual "rain" image to one of splashing and tapping sounds is really nice. As soon as I started reading it I wondered what you would do further down with "trahison", which in such poems never means just plain "treason". And of course the original poem was about pain and betrayal, which in four lines of your own you turn into one of trust and hope, and still with the image of rain, now sweet and refreshing and somehow guiding rather than tormenting the figures in the street. It's really good! You might be interested to know that as a Referat (oral presentation in an introductory course) in our MA program, a work like this this would probably receive an "Eins" (A).

Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#80699 - 06/27/05 06:57 PM Re: Il pleure dans mon coeur
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
For those who know French here is the original text of the poem; the last verse in the English is Kevin's.


Il pleure dans mon coeur

Il pleure dans mon coeur
Comme il pleut sur la ville ;
Quelle est cette langueur
Qui pénètre mon coeur ?

Ô bruit doux de la pluie
Par terre et sur les toits !
Pour un coeur qui s'ennuie,
Ô le chant de la pluie !

Il pleure sans raison
Dans ce coeur qui s'écoeure.
Quoi ! nulle trahison ?...
Ce deuil est sans raison.

C'est bien la pire peine
De ne savoir pourquoi
Sans amour et sans haine
Mon coeur a tant de peine !

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#80700 - 06/27/05 07:14 PM Re: Il pleure dans mon coeur
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Beautiful, Kev. I'm always impressed by the depth of caring, understanding and feeling here, which is what I know we all come here to share. For many of us the caring is life-saving. And then I read something here like your beautiful translation of this poem, and it brings home once more what a diverse and talented a group of men are here. We share the same pain and a desire to heal has brought us together. That is an awful reality. But the amazing men and diverse men I have met here, each with so very much to offer, never ceases to blow me away.
What an amazing group of men. What an incredibly strong group of men. When I get really down and feel weak and wonder why I can't get past all of this, I often come here and read for awhile to get my courage and my strength back and get back out there in the midst of it all, determined to move on.
Your poem did that for me today. What talent, feeling and intelligence you have. And you are fighting the fight, and you will get through it, and your strength and caring will help me when I'm down. And hopefully, sometime, when you're having trouble, something that I say may be of help to you.
Thanks, Kev. You really blew me away. I needed that. Bobby

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#80701 - 06/27/05 07:26 PM Re: Il pleure dans mon coeur
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
I put it through Babelfish, and this is what I got,

You can find Babelfish here

It cries in my heart As it rains on the city; Which is this languor Which penetrates my heart?

Ô soft noise of the rain By ground and on the roofs! For a heart which is bored, Ô song of the rain! It cries without reason In this heart which is nauseated.

What! null treason?... This mourning is without reason. It is well the worst sorrow to know why Without love and hatred My heart has such an amount of sorrow!

It sounds like a pretty good translation, because I know only a little French,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#80703 - 06/28/05 12:22 AM Re: Il pleure dans mon coeur
sabooka Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/19/05
Posts: 209
Loc: I would like to know also
Kev.

You amaze me. I have been living in a french speaking country for four years and i could never ever get close to your understanding of that poem. To see you be able to do that is really amazing.

Congradultions on this. You really deserve it.

Jonathan

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My happiness is not dependant on other people's misery.

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#80704 - 07/12/05 08:33 PM Re: Il pleure dans mon coeur
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Kev, you are gifted, and you amaze me also.
You have great understanding and vision, which sadly is missing in a lot of peoples lives.

I often thought that the creative gifts that we gained through hurt, were meant to help us, and I think they are your greatest asset in life.

Gaelle said that she will work on this poem, and she too thought that you have a massive talent, for poetry.

It will be on the web for all to see, and hopefully your poetry will lighten the hearts for many generations to come.

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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