Here is something I wrote a while ago. Hope it means something to you.

Ken

The Price I Pay

I love you with my hatred
drown in my blood
rivers uncharted

you called me son

of a bitch

of a bitch

in my innocence
I swam to you
this river of blood

snipping my fingers
from your side
you smiled
that fell smile

amid laughter
I sank
into this river

this river of blood
this cold cold
river of blood

choices you left me to make
on my own

I swam for my life
my heart a dragging weight
my mind the curse

twisted as you taught me

gasping
spitting up the stench
of your lies

I learned to chart this river
this living river
living river of my blood

copyright KA 1998

Words Please Listen

fuck you for touching me
you god dam bastard

you can rot in hell
for all I care

they say to forgive
I wonder how it will happen

so many people to
forgive How?

Sadness overwhelms me
and I hide it very well

Got to be a man
never let them know

men don't show weakness
they protect themselves

guess what? What I really
need is Love.

Just love, not sex
I had that I 'm done

I'm done.

not sure

confused
what do I need?
what do I want?

all messed up
confused
want to be physical
but only so much

is it wrong to want
to be close to a man?

I just want to be safe too!
and not get into trouble.

MJ,

Just wanted you to know I've been reading your poems. They are very moving. I also enjoyed your poems at the Lew retreat. Keep them coming. You have a gift.

Jack

Thanks JackJohn glad you are getting something from reading them. I find it easier to write poems than other writing.

Thanks to all for the poetry. MJ, I ordered Cabin Six from the NOMSV bookstore--am waiting to get it.
Bob

I was able to read a poem at the retreat, the retreat was great!

I am in a great deal of pain at the moment, I know I can make it through.

Thanks Nomsv for the retreat and Thanks everyone who helped make it happen. Especially the therapists.

Retreat in NY Dawn Manor made me deal with my acting out. It was very difficult.

Hear my poem

HANDS LEAVE ME ALONE

Hands

eveywhere leave me alone

get off me

no I don't want to do this

let me go

I don't want to

hands everywhere

hands

leave me alone

hands leave me alone

don't touch me

stop it

No

HANDS LEAVE ME ALONE

LEAVE ME ALONE

LEAVE ME

GO

HANDS LEAVE ME ALONE

M. Joseph

Hands that Bind

Who would have thought his hands
would change my life.

The mere fact that he touched me
where others never did.

In my mind he became something special,
the attention was greatly needed.

It was the wrong kind of attention,
and that still haughnts me today.

I have to unbind this person from my body.
He has no place in my physical world.

It is difficult to know who to trust.
Every man is suspect now, the hurt is
just too great.

What good can I make of the abuse?
All I wanted was someone's love.

I lost my father, that was hurt enough.
Then Steve (perp) threw salt in that wound.

The pain, sadness, anger, and rage are all there,
buried with the help of his hands.

God be with me as I grow and learn how wondereful
I really am. This was robbed from me by his hands.

Who would have thought his hands
would have changed my life.

Now I get to share my pain and sorrow with yours,
and find peace, love, and joy at the same time.

M. Joseph

MJ
I read "Silence" from the beginning. I think you have broken yours well. I also think you are breaking the grip of those hands. It's been a long & tough road to get where you are.
Hang in there.
lol
Devon