Jim, hey have a go at it, kevs poem is about him hurting and it is good, but it sucks that he has to post stuff like this.
I posted stuff in poetry journals, and they said the grammar is not correct, but I tell them that this is how I write stuff, and correcting grammar takes away the feel of the poem.
I just write stuff on how I felt, and how it was, and I dont correct it, because it is how I am feeling when I post poetry.
Poetry is expression of what is in your mind, so just go for it, and express what you feel and not what you want people to think.
It is about expression and about you, and no other can write from the soul.
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!