Hate to say it but I can empathize with this. Things got rough when I reached 17,18. By then I knew what mom wanted. Dad & my sister would leave the house. Mom would call out "Ricky,I just took a shower but I forgot to get a fresh towel. Bring me one from the laundryroom". I'd knock on her door,holding the towel. No response. I'd open her bedroom door. She's there sitting totally naked on the bed,sheets pulled back. Just sitting there looking at me strangely. I was supposed to enter the room,engage in sexual intercourse with her. After this had gone on for some time I asked myself "Well,should I? That's what mom wants. If I do this we can be a family again". I tried. I tried conceptualizing mom & me. Tried masturbating to the thought. Did'nt work. At the last moment her face would pop up and I could'nt cum. I could fantasize other women. Pretend they and I were mom & son. But not the real thing. I hated myself for that. Considered myself a failure. I turned 56 a few days ago. Mom died in 1994. I can masturbate now without her face popping into my consciousness. It's a victory. Fact is,I don't even remember what she looked like now. Burn in Hell,bitch.