Newest Members
andrewmartin, Aurigny, Luther, LuckyCharm, Jennifer Lyons
12251 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
AdawgJR (28), Brian (50), hikerpark (52), Jeremy Welch (47), Logan81 (2014), Olson30 (60), Patrick7958 (56)
Who's Online
3 registered (Bluedogone, 2 invisible), 38 Guests and 2 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12251 Members
73 Forums
63104 Topics
441298 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#80542 - 04/10/02 01:52 PM What Photos Reveal
Jim C. Offline
Member

Registered: 03/23/02
Posts: 63
Loc: New Mexico
Warning Long poem. This was written very recently. If anyone knows of internet resources for victims of child pornography, I'd really appreciate it!

What Photos Reveal

Photographs scattered across
the coffee table
searching for one
vaguely remembered:

Standing on or after
my birthday
in a suit
with the gift

The gift itself,
unimportant,
had to change
to put it on

Innocence captured in a flash
handsome, precious,
bright, wonderful
recognized.

Feelings of pride, honor,
accomplishment,
at last, no more
dreaded nap time!

Chosen, special, cherished, by her
polaroid, endless stream,
scattered on the floor
our special time...

"Play, why play?
When I can spend
more time with
You!"

Music beautiful music
makes me feel happy
and sad all at the same
special time

What? Why should I change?
yes, it's warm,
but I'd rather stay
dressed

I had to undress
to get a to play with a
stuffed doggy? She's cute,
I guess

Touch the doggy where?
and with what? "NO?!"
As the polaroids fall
I comply

This is strange, but I know
I don't want to share
our special time
with anyone.

Dark room, cool! Total black!
all these plastic tubs
and clothes line and clips
teach me

Watching papers develop
before my eyes,
pictures of me
and her toys

What are these new lights,
so bright I can't see!
Where are all the photos
of me?

What's that smell and that smoke,
yucky cigar, I can't see,
who's that strange man
behind you?

What are those sounds?
Why's he breathing so hard?
What's he slapping back there,
as he stares?

Why did you leave me? Take me!
I didn't tell! I never would!
Why not me anymore?
Why him?

Change schools? No, not now!
I love it here! Won't go,
can't make me, I'm gone
she knew...

New school, new rules
'No fourth grade math
for a second grade
student'

Just one of the class, at least,
not special anymore
aced all the classes, yet
still held back

Dummy! Failure! Stupid!
'If you're so smart,
why are you in second
and I'm in third?'

Hell, kiss ALL the girls,
whether they want to or not
they mean yes even when
they say "No!"

Learn to unlearn
all I was taught
"No" really means "No"
not "Yes."

New school, new rules
bright, wonderful, recognized.
pride, honor, accomplishment
dread

Principal's pet, teacher's dread
fourth/fifth one year onto sixth
must be moving on up again
skipped ahead

I stand motionless
waiting for the other
shoe to drop
with innocence captured in a flash
of blinding light

I think and I weep
at the strange thrilled dread I get
telling myself, "I'm pictured
somewhere..."

_________________________
In all of time and space, there is but one you and one me...

Top
#80543 - 04/11/02 05:19 PM Re: What Photos Reveal
liminal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/21/02
Posts: 40
Loc: Detroit Metro
I like this poem a lot, it worked with the UBB code included- wasn't sure if that was your intention - now I see it wasn't.



Top
#80544 - 04/15/02 01:12 PM Re: What Photos Reveal
Jim C. Offline
Member

Registered: 03/23/02
Posts: 63
Loc: New Mexico
Liminal,

Thanks for your reply. I am both sorry and touched by the fact that you cried when you read it. This was very difficult to write--as it pushed it's way painfully through me to express what I could not do in any other way. Then I tried to UBB code it the way it was written...to get the formatting correct, but alas, I re-edited the post so it could be read better than the tiny UBB code.

My main regret is that I could not figure out how to underline something in UBB. Each stanza had an emphasis and now about 1/3 don't.

Jim C.
aka Hisatsinom

_________________________
In all of time and space, there is but one you and one me...

Top
#80545 - 04/24/02 12:10 AM Re: What Photos Reveal
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
powerful poem, I can relate, funny how just being abused can make us relate to eachother.

Keep writing. Keep healing.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#80546 - 04/25/02 01:15 AM Re: What Photos Reveal
Jim C. Offline
Member

Registered: 03/23/02
Posts: 63
Loc: New Mexico
michael Joseph,

Thanks for relating to it. Hope it helps someone else. I looked and found little resources for victims of child porn. It was not the only abuse I suffered, but it was my earliest...leading me to believe I was being set up for later vicitimization. My poetry writing is a painful, but necessary catharsis for me.

Jim C.

_________________________
In all of time and space, there is but one you and one me...

Top
#80547 - 09/19/02 12:46 PM Re: What Photos Reveal
Jim C. Offline
Member

Registered: 03/23/02
Posts: 63
Loc: New Mexico
Thought my brothers from the NOMSV retreat, especially my own group members \:\) , might want to read some of my poetry...So I'm writing this reply to bring up the post for those who may want to read it.

Jim
Hisatsinom

_________________________
In all of time and space, there is but one you and one me...

Top
#80548 - 11/19/04 10:24 PM Re: What Photos Reveal
Jim C. Offline
Member

Registered: 03/23/02
Posts: 63
Loc: New Mexico
This is to make it easier to find PR. Hope this helps.

_________________________
In all of time and space, there is but one you and one me...

Top
#80549 - 11/20/04 02:32 PM Re: What Photos Reveal
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
It is indeed a powerful expression, thanks for sharing. I know how hard it is to write from these emotions, but sometimes it is worth it to share the pain,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, Publius 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.