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#80377 - 02/17/02 11:15 PM Cleaning Out The Attic
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
Cleaning Out the Attic

I was cleaning out the attic
of forty years of junk
When I came across old papers
and some old clothes in a trunk
There were bills marked paid and scraps
from so many years ago
And precious memorabilia
from where I didn't know

I came across an old green shirt
with patches on sleeves and chest
From troop one forty four when I was twelve
and passed my first class test
The shirt brought back angry memories
of innocence abused
Of debasement, humiliation
remembrance of being used

It made me feel so angry
I wanted to yell and shout
Then I looked again and saw
it was from such a little Scout
The shoulders were no wider than
a foot or so at most
He was a helpless little boy
his innocence then a ghost

He was young and not as big
as I remembered him to be
How could I think, either now or then,
that he could've wrestled free
I'm older now and wiser
but still a little boy
Who wants to love and be loved back
with innocence and joy.


I re-read this occasionally when I'm feeling down just to remind myself that it wasn't my fault and that I did everything that I could have at the time.

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#80378 - 03/05/02 07:58 PM Re: Cleaning Out The Attic
Ken Followell Offline
President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 12/30/01
Posts: 987
Loc: Bradenton, FL
Stephen

Thank you for sharing. This poem did remind me of the child I was. It can be hard not to fault the child for what happened. Thank you for these words.

_________________________
Ken Followell

Everything works out right in the end. If things are not working right, it isn't the end yet. Don't let it bother you, relax and keep on goin
- Michael C. Muhammad

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."
� Rabbi Hillel

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#80379 - 11/19/03 03:24 PM Re: Cleaning Out The Attic
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
I just got back from the Pilgrim Firs retreat and I wanted to share this with all of you guys again.

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#80380 - 11/20/03 02:19 AM Re: Cleaning Out The Attic
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Steve,

Thanks for that, I missed it the first time.

Why is it that we forget how small we were? How could we have done anything at all? We let it happen, we tell ouselves, we did, we did.

We did not, it was not our fault.

Thank you, Steve, for reminding us of that.

Your brother of the troop,

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#80381 - 12/10/03 11:59 AM Re: Cleaning Out The Attic
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Amen.

We were never to blame. Those much bigger than us were.

Peace,

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#80382 - 12/10/03 03:00 PM Re: Cleaning Out The Attic
BT Offline


Registered: 06/25/03
Posts: 388
Loc: Chicago IL
Thanks for posting this again. We all need to be reminded of these simple truths.

I remember when I finally agreed with my T to write a letter to me as a child during the time I was being abused. I thought it was really stupid until I started and I have to say now this was one of the very best things I have ever done.

Bringing to today the fact that we survived and that was more than enough for us to have done at the time has been pretty powerful

BT

_________________________
"Everyone is entitled to their opinions and it is not my job to change their mind." Dali Lama

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#80383 - 12/11/03 08:03 PM Re: Cleaning Out The Attic
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
I was tall as a kid, and I think I was about 5ft 11 when the abuse started at 11yo. I know I was just a bit taller than both the main perps who were two years older than me.
But it made no difference, I was still a kid, skinny and weaker than them.

Thanks for reminding me Steve, we were just kids and it's so easy to slip into thinking of them with our adult minds.

I can feel the pain inside that tiny sweater.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#80384 - 12/12/03 08:10 PM Re: Cleaning Out The Attic
MrEdd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/03
Posts: 316
Loc: Texas
Thanks for posting this. I remember ... Crap

_________________________
Some Things are not problems to be solved, rather, they are facts which must be coped with over time.

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