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#80244 - 04/12/05 03:22 PM You Bastard
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
You Bastard

Fucking touch me,
I dare you.
Fucking ruin my life,
You can only fucking try.

But I won't be ruined,
Just fucked up.
Fuck you for
Fucking up my life.

I wish your body could be
ripped apart by
wild fucking dogs.
Starting by ripping off
your fucking genitals.

I want your fucking
balls on a platter.
I want you to fucking die.

Take the pain you gave me,
and suck it down your throat.
You fucking Bastard.
Fucking leave my body alone.

By M. Joseph

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#80245 - 04/12/05 04:54 PM Re: You Bastard
LostinPA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 120
Loc: Lancaster, PA
WOW That was intense. I liked the power you gave back to you. Good job.

_________________________
LostinPA
Ric

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#80246 - 10/08/05 06:54 AM Re: You Bastard
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
anger is a good thing, and years later this poem still does it for me.

the bastard moved to FL
I will make sure he is not hurting kids now

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#80247 - 10/08/05 12:05 PM Re: You Bastard
delta.tetra Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 108
Loc: Netherlands
michael Joseph

thanks for your poem.

It took me right back to the night I pushed my father out of the bathroom for the first and last time so he couldn't get his hands on me in the bath. I was so furious and slippery and unstoppable as we wrestled for control. But I won! I fucking WON!


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#80248 - 10/10/05 05:57 AM Re: You Bastard
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Wow, you guys got my emotions going...
I know of someone else who abused boys in Kalamazoo, he isn't a baseball coach, is he?

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#80249 - 02/26/06 06:51 AM Re: You Bastard
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
here is is John, be gentle w yourself

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#80250 - 05/15/06 04:46 PM Re: You Bastard
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Anger is needed to get through this.

Esp when you tend to hold it in cuz you are scared

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#80251 - 05/26/06 06:58 AM Re: You Bastard
timsutt67 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/03/06
Posts: 19
Loc: Florida
This is exactly how I feel. I try to express it in this way and others tell me "don't be so hateful/negative/vengeful. I say embrace your hatred and anger. It will help you heal once you explore the depths of your hatred. Hate is a natural emotion, as long as it doesn't consume you.

Thanks for allowing me to embrace my hatred without guilt.

Fuck the bastard, I hope the lousy motherfucker dies a horrible, painful death from bone cancer before whatever god there is throws him into hell for an eternity of pain.

I hate him.

Hate. Him.


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#80252 - 05/26/06 07:53 PM Re: You Bastard
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Tim,

Good for you. Others tell you "don't be so negative"? Oh really? Here's a two-word reply for that one: "Fuck off."

You are right. These are YOUR feelings. They have to be owned and embraced by you before you can do anything with them and move on.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#80253 - 05/26/06 07:57 PM Re: You Bastard
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Michael,

I don't want to corner you in any way, but I am curious. What's your take on your poem now? Do you still feel the same anger? If so, does that anger still help you?

Or have you moved on. I just ask because of the many very positive changes that have occurred in your life since then.

Just an invitation to comment, but give it a miss if you don't feel you want to respond.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#80254 - 05/27/06 03:59 AM Re: You Bastard
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
anger is good, abuse is hard to get over, years after writing this poem it was used in therapy where the therapist read the poem loudly while I hit pillows with a tennis racquet till I stopped and then started crying.

I think this poem help me tremendously, and I am glad I wrote it. It sums up 18 people hurting me including the father figure that hurt me for several years.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#80255 - 05/27/06 05:28 AM Re: You Bastard
healing_inside Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 2005
MJ,

Thanks for writing this poem. Yes anger is good.

Fuck all of those bastards. They will get theirs in the end.

H.I

_________________________
I can't come to the phone right now, I am out living my life

*** WoR Retreat Alumni - Alta 2005 ***

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#80256 - 05/27/06 05:53 AM Re: You Bastard
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
you are right healing inside,

fuck them all,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

and to think I had a hard time having the F word printed in a poem 13 times in a book with my name on it------------------needless to say I got over that and it was printed in the book.

you guy are great and so am I

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#80257 - 08/18/06 03:28 AM Re: You Bastard
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
anger can be good as long as noone gets hurt physically,,,,,,,,I am hoping guilt will be felt by most people who hurt others.

It is not ok to hurt because we were hurt.

things are not always cut and dry, and it is not easy to learn to forgive others.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#80258 - 10/18/06 02:34 AM Re: You Bastard
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
anger is not the enemy, only if you want it to get the best of you. Use anger to benifit yourself not to damage others or there property.

Tennis is a good way to get out some anger. Boxing too.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#80259 - 10/18/06 02:39 AM Re: You Bastard
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
good poem mj thanks for telling me about it steve


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#80260 - 10/19/06 02:19 AM Re: You Bastard
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
glad you liked it steve

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#80261 - 11/06/06 02:16 AM Re: You Bastard
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
really intense.
But i guess letting the anger out by writing is a good way.

Alexander

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

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#80262 - 11/06/06 02:52 AM Re: You Bastard
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
my anger is the only thing that bastard gave me that i choose to keep . it just kinda simmers then out of the blue it rises up and i'll think 'that dirty no good son of a bitch !'when my brain told me to give up my anger wouldnt let me .i was too fucking pissed to die .

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#80263 - 11/06/06 03:31 AM Re: You Bastard
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
alex and shadowkid this is the poem that healed me the most.

I am glad you two are here, and hope u get rid of some of that anger in good ways

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#80264 - 12/17/06 12:58 AM Re: You Bastard
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
please send pos messages men

I need them

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#80265 - 12/17/06 03:47 AM Re: You Bastard
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
hang on mj we are survivors ,its what we do right? its what we do best.

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#80266 - 01/13/07 04:03 AM Re: You Bastard
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
THANK YOU FOR PUTTING MY FEELINGS INTO WORDS

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#138987 - 01/25/07 12:20 PM Re: You Bastard [Re: OKIE MIKE]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Your welcome, this has been a good poem for my recovery.

Hug Michael OK

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#143984 - 03/04/07 04:48 AM Re: You Bastard [Re: roadrunner]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
You Bastard

Fucking touch me,
I dare you.
Fucking ruin my life,
You can only fucking try.

But I won't be ruined,
Just fucked up.
Fuck you for
Fucking up my life.

I wish your body could be
ripped apart by
wild fucking dogs.
Starting by ripping off
your fucking genitals.

I want your fucking
balls on a platter.
I want you to fucking die.
I want you dead!

Take the pain you gave me,
and suck it down your throat.
You fucking Bastard.
Fucking leave my body alone.

By M. Joseph

copywrite 1995

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#143985 - 03/04/07 04:48 AM Re: You Bastard [Re: roadrunner]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
You Bastard

Fucking touch me,
I dare you.
Fucking ruin my life,
You can only fucking try.

But I won't be ruined,
Just fucked up.
Fuck you for
Fucking up my life.

I wish your body could be
ripped apart by wild fucking dogs.
Starting by ripping off
your fucking genitals.

I want your fucking
balls on a platter.
I want you to fucking die.
I want you dead!

Take the pain you gave me,
and suck it down your throat.
You fucking Bastard.
Fucking leave my body alone.

By M. Joseph

copywrite 1995

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#179354 - 09/09/07 08:54 PM Re: You Bastard [Re: roadrunner]
nicky Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 261
**DELETED**



Edited by nicky (04/27/08 02:01 AM)
_________________________
i like the rain cause no one knows im crying

a strong man is one who is able to control himself when he is angry
what is your definiton of control?

i lay awake another hour
just like the one before
the shadows play a game with my head
i can't take this anymore

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x4EOw8wPBN8




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#179383 - 09/10/07 12:40 AM Re: You Bastard [Re: nicky]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
nicky why you think I wrote it

why is it in a book to help other survivors and myself

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#183273 - 09/29/07 12:29 AM Re: You Bastard [Re: roadrunner]
Joseph Romero Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/08/01
Posts: 4
Loc: San Antonio,Texas
I know about the hate and anger and it have eaten me up alieve all my life. I forgive one day and then hate the next day. I am so confuse and mess up and that what they do


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#346233 - 11/25/10 10:30 AM Re: You Bastard [Re: michael Joseph]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
On Oct 15 I moved out of David Dice's house and was no longer locked in. I had my own apt. with a key.

Unfortunately he helped me carry things into my apt. the day after thanksgiving, 2006, and put his hands down my pants and asked me what happened to us. Like there was an us. He knew what he was doing when he locked me up and did not give me a key only to go with him everywhere he went. I was with him 24 / 7
as he did not work. Not sure making someone your partner and locking him in your house works well.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#347775 - 12/10/10 03:50 PM Re: You Bastard [Re: michael Joseph]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
Finally - a poem i can relate to.

Thank you MJ


Bob


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#351892 - 01/25/11 12:14 PM Re: You Bastard [Re: michael Joseph]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
too many bastards out there

non bastards unite

something has to help keep children and adults safe from perps

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#351897 - 01/25/11 01:06 PM Re: You Bastard [Re: michael Joseph]
mrwhiskers Offline


Registered: 02/22/04
Posts: 193
Originally Posted By: michael Joseph
You Bastard

Fucking touch me,
I dare you.
Fucking ruin my life,
You can only fucking try.

But I won't be ruined,
Just fucked up.
Fuck you for
Fucking up my life.

I wish your body could be
ripped apart by
wild fucking dogs.
Starting by ripping off
your fucking genitals.

I want your fucking
balls on a platter.
I want you to fucking die.
I want you dead!

Take the pain you gave me,
and suck it down your throat.
You fucking Bastard.
Fucking leave my body alone.

By M. Joseph

copywrite 1995



Someday...until that day... i will keep this with me

Thaks MJ

_________________________
"Dont be scared... angels r here" Maria Fernanda (Mafer)

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#352827 - 02/04/11 08:31 PM Re: You Bastard [Re: roadrunner]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 588
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
you know it is so much better to put the anger where it belongs


i have been putting the anger on my friends, on the cable company, on the girl that cuts me off in traffic, on my boss, on anyone

anything that resembles being taken advantage of i am like a rabid dog

so BLESS YOU michael and all for owning your anger and for DIRECTING and EXPRESSING it in a healthy way

heal well, brothers


Top
#352863 - 02/05/11 11:18 AM Re: You Bastard [Re: risingagain]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
thank u rising again

I just hope everyone that hurt me
heard what I said in that poem somehow

not really sure how anyone can to this to a child.
adolestent, or adult. I was told by a friend that someone
was collecting poetry from survivors for a book, and so I sat down and wrote this poem and one other and then after a few years I was sent a copy of the book in the mail.

I remember going to a Mike Lew retreat and men had the book, and wanted me to sign it. My first book signing. Well I hope my Poem helps others find there anger, or at least recognize the anger and pain sexual abuse leaves on us.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#352873 - 02/05/11 12:59 PM Re: You Bastard [Re: michael Joseph]
Darkheart Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 331
Loc: Illinois
It's amazing ...even after 20 years and 5 months ...i am still so full of rage...this poem fits me too...thank you my brother ..

Forrest

_________________________
My Story...

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...8711#Post348711

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