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#80182 - 12/20/06 02:24 AM December Memories
zenboy Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/27/02
Posts: 7
Loc: Chicago, IL USA
I like the holidays,
Really, I do.
Thanksgiving, my birthday,
Christmas, and New Year’s have
Much to commend them.

There is warmth and some peace.
Our family dogs delight
In Christmas gifts around the tree.
My little nephew’s so revved-up
He cannot sleep.
Happy children, dogs, and cats
Revel in the festive moments:
So pure, so sweet, so simple.
Past is present is future
And no one seems to mind, or even notice.

Even so, the cold December
Winds blow the flashbacks
Home into my mind.
Those sharp breezes,
With their bone-chilling, freezing rain
Lash at my face while I walk outside
And continue to rattle
My windows when I’m back at home.

Even after all the years,
The vivid recollections return
Like distant relatives
Who come a-calling
Mostly once a year.

So many things—
The year’s longest night,
My mother’s injured brain,
The start of my dad’s year of suffering,
Young Jimmy’s suicide,
My boyhood abuse at the hands of Mr. L,
My uncle’s intoxication,
A loved one’s delusional cries,
An unrelenting sense of crisis,
A fateful phone call,
A painful parting—
All lay their heavy burdens
On my back,
And bid me carry them a while.

I could cry;
I have cried.
Maybe there is even healing in the tears.
But these days I do not cry.
Instead, I remember.
I learn.
I make amends.
I forget again.

A little voice reminds me
Once more that I am worthy
Of my own love,
Indeed, of all the love in the universe.
Let me remember that this time.

_________________________
Steve
http://www.maledepression.com

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#80183 - 12/21/06 07:11 AM Re: December Memories
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Steve,

A powerful poem that has a lot imagery in it, as well as familiar thoughts from my own past. And yes, you are worthy.

_________________________
Eddie

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#80184 - 12/29/06 06:13 AM Re: December Memories
cpt. confusion Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/04
Posts: 159
Loc: midwest
Steve,
this is an incredible poem, thank you so much for sharing... feels like I could recite this as one of my own. Also remember that carrying those heavy burdens also makes you stronger, as you do learn from them. You ARE worthy, of your own love, of goodness, of so many things. We all must remember that in these times so as not to deny ourselves what is rightfully ours.

peace,
-cpt.

_________________________
"Look at every path closely and deliberately, then ask ourselves this crucial question: Does this path have a heart? If it does, then the path is good. If it doesn't, it is of no use."
-Carlos Castaneda

*WoR Alum
Sequoia I-March '11
Alta II, September '11

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