It was as if I'd gone to live in the sky...
I was replaced by clouds masquerading as a human.

I'm here... thinking of a friend that I've found.

The minutes are flowing by like the grinding of passing centuries... or more like pain of a slow death.

My symbols have fallen now from lofty indignation to gutter debauch, or is this the same as it always was?

Through my pain..
I can see him standing, alone, a figure on a hill in the Summer with his arms held high as if to embrace the sky and stars.. but he does not drop his armour or his guard.

He gives away his pale gods, the stale lies and impotent ritual... a worldly despair sets in on this mystic, believing in nothing except the beyond.

He never lets go of the dreams or the nightmares that bind him... and somehow it seems that this thing called forever is not as long as we believed.

The hours rush by and eons vanish, it occurs to me that perhaps I'm not sleeping... but merely dreaming that I am asleep... And the pain begins again.

If there were no rewards to reap, no loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would have walked away, by now ...

Are the rewards a dream?
.. loving embrace a dream?
and you have not walked away or have you?

When I was 17,18 my rewards were a fantasy, did not know a loving embrace and it was tedious when I let it be. Still can be and those years are almost beyond comprehension, except the pain, the pain of abuse, of fear, of life. I had no idea of reality and off I wandered like an innocent that I was still. Yet made it to this stage of my life, still wondering what is my purpose.

Jaysen, why do you hold on to them? Too comfortable a pattern, you know the results. Fear of the unknown is deadly since we stay in that rut we know so well. No deviations (almost),
what will do if I break out of myself?

"If there were no rewards to reap, no loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would have walked away, by now ..."

Are the rewards a dream?
.. loving embrace a dream?
and you have not walked away or have you?

When I was 17,18 my rewards were a fantasy, did not know a loving embrace and it was tedious when I let it be. Still can be and those years are almost beyond comprehension, except the pain, the pain of abuse, of fear, of life. I had no idea of reality and off I wandered like an innocent that I was still. Yet made it to this stage of my life, still wondering what is my purpose.

Jaysen, why do you hold on to them? Too comfortable a pattern, you know the results. Fear of the unknown is deadly since we stay in that rut we know so well. No deviations (almost),
what will do if I break out of myself?

The answer is only when you make the break.

froggy12
But we have to make the break to discover.