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#80126 - 11/29/06 06:02 AM An Understandably Stubborn and Angry Lad (triggers
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11111
Loc: Denver, CO
What’s a boy to think about his mother’s twisted ways?
What was witnessed long ago has set his heart ablaze.

Things would have been better if she cheated with a man.
Yet she had to go and do what normal folks would ban.

I need to know the questions ‘fore I figure out what’s right.
I need to see this head on to remove it from my sight.

Tonight the boy within me is demanding answers now.
But I have none to give him yet, no reason why or how.

A bowl of buttered noodles now is suitable replacement.
To the pain that carries on within me, causing deep displacement.

No real remedy is apparent for this boy’s inner shock.
He goes on daily wondering if it’s best kept under lock.

Mother dear, I dare not say to others what you’ve done.
Yet I dare myself to share this since it weighs on me a ton.

Are there answers for this lad so young, a final peace of heart?
Without answers, a marriage bed could tear his soul apart.

It’s as if he stands before me, arms crossed in defiance:
Prove to me how good girls are, I’ll promise my reliance.

Show me they’re trustworthy o’er the matters of my heart.
Show me one damn thing that’s good, or from me now depart!

Take your fake insistent love and give it to another!
I for one will not believe there’s even cause to bother!

I will not be lied to on this matter. They all do bad things.
They are like my mother dear, the one who sweetly sings.

How do I convince him, or give him what is true,
If I don’t know the questions, and speak without a clue?


Edited to add a missing word.

©2006

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#80127 - 11/29/06 06:58 PM Re: An Understandably Stubborn and Angry Lad (triggers)
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
{{{{{{ANDY}}}}}}

Little Andy has every right to be hurt, confused, pissed off, all of the above. I still struggle with the issue of trust of the opposite sex as well, so can understand somewhat of what you're feeling.

_________________________
Eddie

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#80128 - 11/29/06 09:52 PM Re: An Understandably Stubborn and Angry Lad (triggers)
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Andy, the little guy should not have to go through all that hurt.
Sometimes it is good that he faces things head on, to try and find answers.

Sadly there may be few clues to the answers he is looking for, but he will get there, one day soon,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#80129 - 11/29/06 10:31 PM Re: An Understandably Stubborn and Angry Lad (triggers)
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
How do we tell them there are no answers, Andy? How do we tell them we don't understand either? They're children and they think there must be some logic to everything. And now we know. Maybe, if we can get them to understand that not everything is like that....not everyone has awful things like that in his childhood to deal with....that there is a possibility for happiness. You've hit on one of our basics. We can say it over and over and over again and it all seems logical until the repeating stops and then the reality returns....why? Wish I had an answer, Andy. Wish I didn't understand exactly what you're saying. I'm sorry. I think because it happened to us, we are even more sorry that it had to happen to someone else, too. Love you,

Bobby

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#80130 - 11/30/06 02:39 AM Re: An Understandably Stubborn and Angry Lad (triggers)
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Andy,

I have to say, that is a powerful poem, Bro.

I agree with Bobby. These things defy logic. As a child we assigned them logic even though there was none because our child mind could not differentiate. I think the question that needs asking is how can we get to the point where those terrible things that impacted our childhood have minimal impact on our life today?

How do we differentiate between the things we can and must do to bring about change in our life, vs the things that we have absolutely no power to change or control.

I don't have that answer for you. I'm not even sure I have it for myself, but I think you've set the very heart of the matter out as a challenge to yourself. Now comes the process of working it through till you have some resolution.

We're here with you on this one, Buddy. We're experiencing the same questions in our own way.

Hugs,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#80131 - 11/30/06 05:11 AM Re: An Understandably Stubborn and Angry Lad (triggers)
Koveri Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 80
Loc: Dallas, TX
Thanks Andy. We have experienced similar things. But one thing I have realized is that my mother didn't know that what she was doing was hurting me. I myself didn't know how much it was hurting me because I could not conceive of my mother capable of doing anything wrong. Even when she was beating me daily in my pre-school days, she was trying to 'beat the devil' out of me for my own good. I have to believe that IF she did know she was actually harming me, she would not have done those things. I believe this because I know her love and tenderness could be just as intense as her other side.

Koveri


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#80132 - 11/30/06 05:47 AM Re: An Understandably Stubborn and Angry Lad (triggers)
froggy12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 527
Loc: Marlboro, MA 01752
Ah yes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions I have read some place. Are we really a product of our environment? Or do we say "oh well, they coped the best way they knew how back then."

How do we forgive when we don't know what it means? Do we use memories of the past to energize us when we start to forget? Is there a let sleeping dogs lie attitude from those not bitten? They had their rabies shot, we had none.

So many questions that arise in the night.

froggy12

_________________________
??

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