They must know
Someone has to know
The way I live my life
Someone has to know the primal scream
The silent primal scream
That goes out from my body every day
Someone must see it
Feel it
Know how trapped I feel
How hopeless
How I walk along the same dark path each day

Why don't they help?

I know, I know
All it would take is changing it
Attitudes and all of that
Just change
You've known what to do for years
You must enjoy the place you're in
Or you'd be somewhere else

That all makes sense, I know
And if I read it in a book, I'd say it was the answer to my problems
And yet, here I am
The same dark place each day
The ways I find to cope......the same
So shaming are the ways
And I do just enough to carry on
Hang on
Look like I'm doing well
Meet my responsibilities

But I am clutching every minute to make do

Panic
Every
Day
Every
Hour

But panic is a good thing
Otherwise I'd not get out of bed
Get dressed
Do anything but drool down on my keyboard
Look at things I shouldn't see
Feel the guilt
Yet, need to see
Driven to see.....to watch
To wonder what it is that I am looking for
Every day the same

Acting out, they call it
And yet most of them understand what it is they're acting out
I don't
Yet know that's what it is

And if I make the change I need to make

No, I cannot

I've lived a life that will not work if that change happens
The end result far worse than what it would correct

I'm not a stoic
No indeed
No, more a child
Kicking
Crying
Angry
Throwing tantrums
For I cannot stop the things he does
He did
Is doing now
No man am I
No macho man, strong enough to turn his life around

Every day I get up determined to....
Well, maybe not determined
Resolved to try

And very soon I think I'll give the whole thing up
And let it be
Just let it be
Who I am
The primal screamer guy
And hang on 'till they find me out

But why is it no one can see
No one can hear
The silent calls for help
That I can never seem to cry out loud?

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.