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#80034 - 11/07/06 06:14 AM Please Make It Go Away (Triggers)
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
For God's sake, rip it out of me
Tear it out
Go ahead
I don't care how bad it hurts
Get it out of there
It's old now
It should be gone
The synapses are worn
Frayed
Bleeding
And yet the stuff won't go away
I push
I shove
I reach down in and try to pull it out
Dear God, someone reach in there with me
On three....pull....pull hard!
No
It's still there
Like a rock it sits
Down deep
Like a big ole damn rock.
Maybe if I just ignore it
But even if I do that, it's still there
You can't ignore it. It weighs a ton!
And tired.............
Sometimes I think I just can't carry that thing one more step
Or pull it
Or push it
And so, I just sit down and lean on it a while
My very own form of herpes
Dangerously dormant
Mt. St. Helens, ready to explode
Waiting for the pain
I grow weary of the struggle
No....worse....I become the struggle
I think it will not ever go away
Remember when the memories came?
How awful they were
How they hurt
How sharp the pain
How hopeful it would soon be over?
I'm going to go to sleep now
Cut me open when I do
See....here....right here....cut it out, while I sleep
Leave me bleeding, if you must
I don't care
But cut it out and take it with you
Some days
Some awful days
I think I just can't fight it any more.

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#80035 - 11/07/06 02:34 PM Re: Please Make It Go Away (Triggers)
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
God, it makes me tired just reading this. I cannot imagine the heavy load this is. All I can say is that I keep being told myself that it's something you go *through* and come out of. It just feels like an eternity because it hurts so bad. I will say a little prayer for you, for all of you, today that you will face the task and not the FEAR of the task, that you will be able to separate those things and think more clearly, not clouded by fear/hurt/shame/emotions, but clear intellect about what is real NOW, and how much you are cared about by others here.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#80036 - 11/10/06 03:31 AM Re: Please Make It Go Away (Triggers)
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Bobby,

Reading this is hard to do 'cause I know what you are talking about. I also have days like that. I too feel like all I want is for it to be gone and it never goes away. Thanks for sharing, thanks for reminding me that I am not alone. Thanks for being a friend.

Love ya

derdle

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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