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#80011 - 11/03/06 06:25 PM Why I'm Afraid of Loving (triggers)
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
You love me, don't you?
You say you do
And I love you
I say I do
And I am frightened beyond belief
The only love I've ever known
Complete love
Total love
Did not exist
And yet I gave myself to it
Hoping for what?
Acceptance?
Hoping that somehow in giving all I was that he would love me?
And so he used me
Oh, I can say he used my body all I want
But that's not what he used
He could have had that
I would have given him that
He used me
Me
He took all I had
He took me up into his arms
And he held me
Oh, God, I loved it when he held me
And then he would plunge me into hell
Again
And
Again
Each time I knew he would
Each time he came, I knew he would
And yet, I waited
Wanted him to come

needed him to come

And each time I was a little less
Each time my soul a little smaller
Until, in the end
I ceased to exist

And felt nothing when my father came at all

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#80012 - 11/16/06 02:47 AM Re: Why I'm Afraid of Loving (triggers)
froggy12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 527
Loc: Marlboro, MA 01752
"Out of the depths I cry unto you my god.
Were you looking when all this was happening
and did nothing?
Or were you busy making mill stones?
I asked you to show me your face
and you answered: Get A Life."
Bobby, I felt numb after I read it.
I am still afraid of the unknown.
Writing can be a cleansing ritual. This I know.
Keep going.
a cynical froggy12

_________________________
??

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#80013 - 11/16/06 03:00 AM Re: Why I'm Afraid of Loving (triggers)
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
bobby i think one big thing is that as kids we really had no clue what love was or was supposed to be so we mistook all kinds of devious things as being love ,but now we know what love is really about dont we? shadow

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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