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#799 - 07/29/03 10:25 PM new to this
theduke Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/29/03
Posts: 5
Loc: central usa
in early childhood I stayed with my grandmother a lot she was a nurse at a local hospital. she insisted on enamas daily while i was with her. from there she would use the rounded end of a butter knife to stick in my anus. i can remember at that young of age of getting erections. from there on out my youth it felt good to have some object inserted anally. then came they day i was in my forties i got a bottle stuck and had to have it removed by surgery what an embarassment to me and my wife of 25 years she had no idea until i told her of my past. recently she discovered that i had inserted a cucumber into my anus. i am trying to cope with my past any advice?

_________________________
the duke

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#800 - 07/30/03 01:18 AM Re: new to this
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
Hello, the duke,

I'm no expert in this matter. I am though a man who has survived being sexually abused by someone whose job it was to protect me.

From the brief de>
_________________________
"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

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#801 - 07/30/03 06:53 AM Re: new to this
zadok1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/02
Posts: 188
Loc: Ohio
to begin, you are who you are. because of my past, i get sexual pleasure from many things i shouldnt, including penetration. i have learned that part of me is forever part of me. it is kind of like trying to pretend you're a woman when you are all man, you can deny what you really are, but the physical facts say otherwise. i have also learned that what feels good, feels good. it's okay to enjoy the sensations and feelings of these things. liking to be penetrated doesnt make you a pervert or a monster. it is just a sexual act, like a thousand others. relax and enjoy who and what you are.

i also want to talk to you about choice. we can enjoy a thing, and still choose for other reasons not to partake of it. i enjoy sex with strange women, but because i have promised my self to another, i dont act on it. only you can judge if enjoying penetration is something you need to avoid, or if it can be a healthy part of your life. if so, you can examine it, and decide what limits you need to place on it. clearly the bottle and vegi are perhaps over the line, but there are toys. now that your wife knows the truth, perhaps she might even be willing to explore that part of things.

though i havent acted on it since i was like 13 or 14, i am turned on by bestiality. my wife and i roleplay in order that i can express that part of me without crossing any lines. for me, actually having my wife do an animal would be immoral big time, but we can pretend without offeneding our faith or our morality.

i believe that you will find what happened affects you far more than you yet realize. you are in the right place to explore just how much more. keep asking and keep talking, you'll be amazed how much it helps.

welcome.

_________________________
The world is a dangerous place, not because of those that are evil, but because of those who do nothing about them- Albert Einstein

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#802 - 07/30/03 09:22 PM Re: new to this
Green Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/03
Posts: 115
Loc: NYC, NY
TheDuke,

For whatever it is worth, enamas were a big part of my childhood. Also, like you, my caretaker was my abuser.

Green


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#803 - 07/31/03 07:13 PM Re: new to this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Zadok
I admire your strength and courage to make that post, but most of all I admire the way you've dealt with your.......problem.

It might be unfair to call it a problem. After all what we do in our fantasies, if we can contain it, is harmeless enough.

Having the courage to release it the way you do is a wonderful thing.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#804 - 08/06/03 02:05 AM Re: new to this
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Hello, I am mostly new of this also. I am so much sorry of what happens at you when you are child. That to me, it is definite that you have the mental and physical trauma. And I do believe it is of sexual abuse.

Again, I am sorry that you have so much the hard experience, of to have the surgery. I think you do need to talk of the past, and try to rediscover of how those things have affected you, as you are today, and who you become. I do not wish to appear pushy, but I just start in therapy the last few weeks. And it feel some good, to talk at someone who is professional. I do not know it helps me so much yet, because I still am in fear of sharing of too much. But I know that it will help.

I wish you luck, and wish you well.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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