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#7982 - 09/26/01 08:28 PM New here
Anonymous
Unregistered


I'm new to this forum but from reading some of the posts I can tell I'm in the right place.

I know there are a lot of us out there that have been abused. I thank God for those that have shared their experiences with me. But I've never talked to any men about what it felt like. I never talked about the shame, the feelings of self loathing, the vast inner confusion and truly bleak outlook I had. Instead, I tried to numb the pain with drugs or alcohol or sex or work or anything else that would distract me from what I felt. But I really wanted to die. It didn't seem like a big step to me, since I felt dead inside anyway.

I discovered something though. There was a little kid in me that would not give up. He lived through the abuse and he was still living through it. I couldn't die because he wouldn't let me. He never gave up so I couldn't either.

I read a post in another thread where someone talked about getting choked up when a child is rescued by an adult. I get choked up by that as well. I get even more choked up when I consider how this adult was rescued by a child.

So now I am learning to be a parent. I never had a good parent, so I have to learn how to raise this gutsy, misbehaving, scared and suffering child myself.

I've been in therapy for a couple of years, getting in touch with the feelings and learning all about this kid. I've looked for a good forum to ask questions, vent feelings, and get support. The posts I've read here have already given me insights, brought up feelings, and reminded me that I'm not the only one.

So to my brothers in recovery, thank you for being here.


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#7983 - 09/26/01 08:45 PM Re: New here
Anonymous
Unregistered


Davee,

Welcome!! I think you'll probably find some kindred spirits here in this forum....I have. And I am grateful for the opportunity to reach out to other guys. And, as you have described, just knowing that you're not the only one out there is, in itself, healing in some way.

It's good that you have a therapist and that you have already begun to take care of that little kid inside you.

I'm one of those who becomes emotional whenever some little boy is rescued or has somebody hold him and tell him he is loved and that everything is going to be okay. I guess the little kid inside me longs to hear that he is loved and that he'll be safe. Maybe this is one of those universal desires that all victims of SA have.

We'll look forward to your participation, Davee; glad you're on board!

Don


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#7984 - 09/26/01 08:54 PM Re: New here
Brian B14 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/01
Posts: 122
Loc: New York
Hi Davee,

Welcome to NOMSV. The people here are some of the most caring, supportive and wonderful people I have ever had the good fortune to meet. I'm sure as you share your feelings and experiences, you will agree.

You are not alone! We all share in your feelings of shame, guilt and self hatred. I so happy that you had a little angel looking out for you that enabled you to find us.

I look forward to reading your posts.

God Bless,

Brian


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#7985 - 09/26/01 11:48 PM Re: New here
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
Davee,

I'm glad you found this place and a good therapist too. Talking helps. Talking to someone who's been through something similar is even more helpful. The similarities of different SA survivors problems is a bit disconcerting at times, but the knowledge that we are not alone anymore is a powerful feeling.

Take care,

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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