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#79807 - 01/18/05 07:20 AM The Dance
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
I wanted nothing more than to be held by you
To be loved by you
So tall
So strong
So beautiful to me.
And couldn't figure out just what was wrong with me
Your son
Oh, I knew who I was
Something less than you wanted
Something soft
Not as hard as the boy of your dreams.
Whirling dresses
Paper dolls
Not things of boys
Not real boys
Not your boys
I knew, but did not understand
That there was something not quite right
Not very wrong, but wrong
About the boy I was.
And so I changed for you
Or tried to change
Oh, God, I put my heart in being masculine for you.
I changed my walk
I tried at sports
And put away all girlie things
Except sometimes when no one knew
I never felt I wasn't male
Never ever, yet
I liked the things
The things the girls liked
The pretty things
And dance
Oh Lord I loved to dance!
It wasn't done...not dancing
Not by boys
Not by me.
So I became the man I am
The one I was supposed to be
The one I made up just for you.
It worked, you know.
Even I forgot the little boy
Who liked the pretty things
He hid away inside me
Deep where I would never know.
And then the dreams
The awful dreams
Of things you did
That I'd forgot.
Is that what makes a man?
Those awful things
Those things that haunt my soul?
I loved you, Dad
With all my little boy heart I loved you
But got none back
Not really
Not from you
And, Dad, I changed my life
So you would love me
And oh, my father
And oh, my little boy
I fear that now I've grown too old to dance.

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#79808 - 01/19/05 10:35 PM Re: The Dance
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Bobby,

you are never too old to let the little boy out to play, he is there, he does not need to hide any more.

He is writing this from within you, look after him because he was a lot stronger than his dad ever knew.

He had to be, against all of this,

take care,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#79809 - 01/20/05 07:39 AM Re: The Dance
cpt. confusion Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/04
Posts: 159
Loc: midwest
\:\( its not too late to dance!

you are already dancing as we speak, it may not be physically, but it is a beautiful dance with words, can you teach me a few steps?

take care,
cpt.

_________________________
"Look at every path closely and deliberately, then ask ourselves this crucial question: Does this path have a heart? If it does, then the path is good. If it doesn't, it is of no use."
-Carlos Castaneda

*WoR Alum
Sequoia I-March '11
Alta II, September '11

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