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#79657 - 08/24/06 09:39 AM What I saw the other day (triggers)
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11113
Loc: Denver, CO
What I saw today was wrong to see for me.
It brought up age-old feelings of a frightening symphony.
There was no plan to fall off the ladder.
Yet what I saw just made me sadder.

It reminded me of desperate measures.
A time when respect was a lost, hidden treasure.
I remember my night in my bedroom small.
Such that this act reminds me of all.

This person doesnít know my quirks and kinks.
He only did what was needed, me thinks.
I drive on by a stranger so unknown.
He hit me in the heart with what heís done.

Use the bathroom, I donít care.
Do that in the right place there.
Donít show the world what you must do.
Iím sure not interested in seeing such a view.

Too much hurt and bad stuff came to mind.
Reminds me of relating of a different kind.
Remembering fear, shame, though taking control.
To the shame Iíd end up surrendering my soul.

©2006

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#79658 - 08/24/06 06:22 PM Re: What I saw the other day (triggers)
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Foermer Texan,

I"m sorry you were ambushed like this. I can imagine it hurts, but you have done the right thing by facing your demons and talking about the problem. Believe me, you aren't surrendering your soul to anything shameful. You are confronting things with a lot of courage and I am honored to have a friend like you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#79659 - 08/24/06 06:45 PM Re: What I saw the other day (triggers)
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11113
Loc: Denver, CO
Thank you, Larry. This just isn't one of those times when I feel honorable. I've kept this shame like it was luggage.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#79660 - 08/25/06 04:04 AM Re: What I saw the other day (triggers)
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Former Texan,

I know man, I really do. I know how you feel and I know how difficult this one is for you.

But still, check the tag on that luggage as you call it. It's not your bag! Throw it back on the belt and let the real owner collect it if he wants it. ;\) Really.

My suggestion to you is that there is no shame to this other that what you assign to it yourself by way of your feelings. And as with so many of the feelings we have, left over from abuse, what this one is telling you about yourself is just NOT true.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#79661 - 08/25/06 04:25 AM Re: What I saw the other day (triggers)
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hey, FT,

Larry is right on with this one, you claimed the wrong bag from the luggage carousel. That bag belongs to someone else. Better yet, it would be better if the baggage dudes had lost it on the tarmac somewhere. The things we did to survive back then were exactly that - things we did to survive. Not pretty, not ideal, not our shame - we did it because we were resourceful and coping as best we could.

_________________________
Eddie

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#79662 - 08/29/06 09:11 PM Re: What I saw the other day (triggers)
ForeverFighting Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 1058
Loc: New Mexico, USA
This is a big step, Tex. I can see where you're going, and it is an incredibly brave thing to do. You know I'm here for you on this. And as the others have said, the shame is not yours. You're a good man.

Peace.

_________________________
ForeverFighting

"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17

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