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#79652 - 08/23/06 08:29 PM Dear Self
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
This is where you speak
This is where I find you
This is where I know who and what you are
You my frightened soul
My frightened child
Here you raise your head
Look around and see
What you see I'm not sure
But here I feel you
Here you become a part of me somehow
Here you feel instead of merely existing somewhere deep inside
And sometimes I need to feel your presence
Need to know you're there
Need to know you feel
For you are the part of me that lives
You are the part of me that somehow was not torn
Was not ruined in the awfulness
You still can walk through meadows
Enjoy the sun
Run through the leaves in autumn
And all with such beautiful innocence

A part of you is still a part of me
I have an innocence at times
And long for it
Instead of living with the thoughts and memories and fears that swirl within my head
And sometimes feel that innocence and love and purity are once again within my reach
I feel them so strongly somehow

But, no, only here with you do I have that
Love that carries me to places poets talk about
Pictures in my mind of places only artists see in visions carried deep within their souls
The world my child invented when his own reality began to change somehow into ugliness
An ugliness he couldn't comprehend
A pain he could no longer bear to feel
And gradually he changed
To face a world not beautiful
Not innocent
A world made real, or false?, by ugly things

Gradually he became me

And so, sometimes I must feel you pass through me
Must feel your warmth
Must feel your openness to life
To love
To beauty
And even feel your openness to pain
For I have just begun to feel again
With fear, I will admit
A little at a time
Trusting once again that there are people in the world who will not tear my soul apart for sport

You are the best of me, my child
My soul
My innocence
And feeling you gives me the faith
To try to heal again

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#79653 - 09/14/06 06:46 AM Re: Dear Self
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Bobby,

It always inspires me to see your posts and poems on this subject. I really do think you are making progress. Take this, for example:

Quote:
You are the best of me, my child
My soul
My innocence
And feeling you gives me the faith
To try to heal again
I think that's so true. When we can begin to feel that innocence within us we really are touching the essence of who we were years ago.

And I like your choice of words. We often speak of the "strength" to recover, but isn't it also a matter of "faith", in whatever sense of faith that works for us personally?

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#79654 - 09/14/06 12:12 PM Re: Dear Self
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Bobby,

its nice to see you addressing your "self".

"Gradually he became me".

Its great to see you finding your real beauty as when you were born,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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