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#79497 - 07/24/06 03:36 PM Murdered
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Stick it in.
There... that'ss right just there. Right between my ribs, straight through past my skin, past the muscle, the bone and the soul.
Sure, sure you're doing a great job.
Now just twist it until it bends, until I sob then scream.
Wait for the blood begin to seep from a wound that wont ever mend, not in my mind anyway.
Thank you
Thank you
You like that?
You want to see more pain?
Oh well let me oblige...
Okay just wrench it out, and stab me again just the same. My clothes are turning red, is this all that you need?
to see me drenched in my own blood, you just want to see me bleed? Or do you need more?
I'm not one to disapoint and I've never learned how to say no.
I'll lie here and continue to drain my life away.
The color of my red will spread and leave a darkened stain.
Now you want to rip it out?
Take away my heart?
Move my limbs and cut my face so then I'll become your art?
My chest is empty, my heart is yours, you've taken it like a jewel.
But to be honest with you it makes no difference...my chest was never really full.
Now that you have my heart and soul and your knife you'll have to find somewhere to dump my body.. Over there in that bush maybe?
Sure whatever works for you.
So you're covering me up with leaves now? Oh your too fucking kind.
As you drive away from me, I hope you know, if no one finds me I'll become nameless, I'll seise to exist.
You know what?
That's fine with me because I don't even think I'll be missed.


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#79498 - 07/24/06 05:53 PM Re: Murdered
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

That's a powerful statement on the survivor's feeling of been alone, invisible and unloveable. But believe me bro, all those feelings are false. You will get past all this.

But in order to do that you have to slog right through the middle of all the things you now feel about yourself. That's the only way to move forward. Talk about the feelings and listen to what people tell you. We will all be with you.

And think about it for a minute. If you are as alone, invisible and unloveable as you feel, what the fuck are we hanging around for? I wonder if we see some things that aren't on your radar yet. ;\)

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#79499 - 07/24/06 06:01 PM Re: Murdered
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
I thought I was just a good source of entertainment Larry \:\)

Maybe I'm wrong...


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#79500 - 07/24/06 06:22 PM Re: Murdered
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

That's actually a more important feeling than you may think. An abused kid IS reduced to being not much more than that, at least that's how he FEELS.

But as he works on this and other feelings he learns that he was always a worthwhile loveable kid and remains a worthwhile and decent man now.

It's not us that's fucked up Jay; what was DONE to us was what was fucked up.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#79501 - 07/24/06 06:25 PM Re: Murdered
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
worthwile,loveable \:\(


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#79502 - 07/24/06 06:33 PM Re: Murdered
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

In the dark of the night it's often very difficult to see the truths that are all around us. But the night doesn't last.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#79503 - 07/24/06 06:36 PM Re: Murdered
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
fucking hurts so bad sometimes \:\(


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#79504 - 07/24/06 06:44 PM Re: Murdered
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Yes it does Jay. I am so very sorry. But if it helps, try to remember that all these things you are saying and doing here are SO important in getting past that pain. Whatever it is, just SAY it.

L.

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#79505 - 07/24/06 07:00 PM Re: Murdered
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
i just cant do this


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#79506 - 07/24/06 08:19 PM Re: Murdered
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
That's fine. When you feel like that just take a break and back off for a bit.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#79507 - 07/27/06 01:09 AM Re: Murdered
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Jay,

I know that pain. I know the aloneness, I have felt it, lived it. You are so right Jay, it does fucking hurts so bad sometimes \:\( .

Go at your own pace and above all, hang in there because it really does get better.

Love ya

Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#79508 - 07/27/06 05:47 PM Re: Murdered
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Thanks Darrel... I'm sorry that you know that pain.


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