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#79472 - 07/19/06 09:59 PM Not Today You Don't....Not Today
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Don't you dare forgive me, God
Don't you dare stand there and look down at me and tell me you forgive my sins
Don't you dare look at my shattered body, my shattered mind and tell me that you love me
I'll take care of myself now
I'll pick myself up
I'll wipe up the blood from where I lay, clean up my wounds, and walk down the beach with my head held high
And don't you follow me
Don't you protect me
I'll protect myself
And woe to anyone who stands in my way
Woe to anyone who looks at me cross-eyed
Woe to anyone who comes close to the fury that writhes within my soul
For I was hated by the world just for being
Just for having the audacity to be born
Just for being naive enough to think that living was a right to be shared by all
That who I was was simply that....who I was
No questions asked
How wrong I was
How wrong I was to think the world was anything less than cruel
How long did it take, Lord
One day, two?
Before I knew that what I was
Who I was
How I had been born into this world was somehow tainted
Bad
Less....than nothing
It took a while
Him
Doing things
Those things
Those eyes
Those hateful eyes
People
Saying things
Hurtful things
Whispering
Looking in that way
You know the way
The sad, knowing way you look at something not quite right, not quite perfect
Trying to figure out just what went wrong
I went wrong....horribly wrong
And I knew
Knew the awful pain of sympathetic stares
But I'll survive
Have survived
Did survive
Stronger than I knew I was
Stronger than they could have known I was
A baby's strength far greater than one would ever think
A mind more understanding than evil can suppose
Protect me?
Now?
Forgive me?
Now?
Now, when I've done the things I've needed to to survive?
Now, when I've joined the singers in their song of who I am
How bad I am
How broken I have always been?
Take away your helpful hand, for I am me, and I am proud
Of what, survival?
You bet, survival.
When all was lost, still I survived
On my own
With my own strength
When at the end of my last prayer
My final cry
Only eerie silence filled the room

Now everyone just clear a path
I'm walking out of here alone
In tattered rags
Barefoot
Bleeding here and there
But walking, damn you
Upright,and on my own!

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#79473 - 07/19/06 10:37 PM Re: Not Today You Don't....Not Today
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
bobby i'd be proud if you let me walk beside you ,not to carry you just to follow in your footsteps,glad your back missed you dude adam

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#79474 - 07/20/06 05:11 AM Re: Not Today You Don't....Not Today
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Bobby, Adam,

Let me come too for I have felt those same feelings.

Love ya

Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#79475 - 07/20/06 02:10 PM Re: Not Today You Don't....Not Today
Elad 12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast
Bobby,
That was powerfully good. Thanks!

Dale


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#79476 - 07/20/06 05:20 PM Re: Not Today You Don't....Not Today
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Bobby,

Quote:
But walking, damn you
Upright,and on my own!
Absolutely great Bobby, good for you!

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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