Do you really know what it's like to be lost inside your own mind... searching for a touch of reality when insanity is all you find. You smell and hear the sizzle of your flesh as fire licks your skin, as they take their darkened flame and run it up your side. Searching for a rhythm for some kind of sensable rhyme. But all you find are memories... they hold you in their time. Trapped in walls and lost in memories of times that came before. Searching through all the rooms just looking for the door. You lay upon the stone cold floor your entire being in pain, your arms and legs stretched out so wide, you struggle wildly and feel the chaffing of the ropes that have been tied. You tremble and then you scream as the fire touches you. They take their knives and slash your skin, first cutting shallow and then so deeply.... for nothing but the simple pleasure of hearing you scream and weep so sweetly. As the whip touches your tender flesh you scream out in your pain, thinking if you have to take much more of this your mind will go insane.

You try and be so humble, you try and be so brave, but it doesn't really matter.

For them it's just a game.

Jay,

For the abuser yes, it's all just a game. We meant nothing, we were just a means to get a cheap thrill, a power trip - look, I can even do THIS to a terrified child.

But Jay, that's the past. You are empowered now. You can speak up. You can reject blame and accuse those who hurt you.

And most of all you can heal. You can get your life back on track - you really can. Just hang in there. Sometimes there isn't a lot more to say than this, "Hang in there". I got told that a million times and I never thought it would take me anywhere, but it did, and a lot faster than I thought.

That's not all there is to it, of course. But sometimes when things just look so fucked up, that's what we need to remember.

So....hang in there.

Much love,
Larry