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#79294 - 06/23/06 09:37 PM First night, that place
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Lungs feeling heavily saturated from the moisture of this place, strained eyes… Desperately searching for a glimpse of something but blinded by the darkness. Strained ears… Desperately listening for a sound but deafened by the
silence....

Sometimes, you think you can hear breathing, a slight shuffling of feet, a low and quiet snarl, or maybe it’s just the tortured mind playing tricks again. You can almost see a face directly in front of you, almost make out a shadow, almost feel the hot breath on your throat...
But maybe not.

Arms are stretched wickedly above, suspended, feeling the weight of your ownb body, toes barely touchng the ground and blood trickles down... and it tickles and then stings the fire burning on your back and legs.

What day is it? What time is it? Where am I?

Terrified by what might be standing before you.
Hang here and wait and imagine, mind wandering, dreams restless, crying, salty tears in your mouth.

Strong hands around your throat holding firm and steady but not choking. The first hit comes… from somewhere on the right, another from behind and suddenly the body is attacked with punches and clawing from every direction.
Battered relentlessly and without reason for longer than you can take. You feel the wetness of blood as you drift away...

Alone again, quiet again.

You're back again and feeling the welts and broken bones. Feeling the shame and humiliation of being violated. Knowing things happened to your body without your consent and while you weren't even conscious to fight. Feeling pure rage, but unable to do anything about it...
No power... no control... What day is it? What time is it? Where am I?

Listening, waiting for the next attack, not sure when, not sure by whom or how many....


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#79295 - 06/25/06 12:46 AM Re: First night, that place
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

I'm glad you are getting this out and I wonder, can you see what courage it takes to say all this? I'm so sorry all this happened to you and I hope you will keep talking. The more we talk about it the easier it is to work on our issues. It's the unspoken stuff that's the hardest to shift.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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