Newest Members
JohnWC, KKumar, J44, Anura, reynel5
12420 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
beginning (34), Gary H. (41), jewelmom (63), kdg2310 (55), Li Yuki (2014), monarchnaps (36), Neverquit (30), Nord (58), SoSad (45)
Who's Online
6 registered (TJ jeff, woodenshoes, Rich1967, 3 invisible), 38 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12420 Members
74 Forums
63787 Topics
445438 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#79289 - 06/23/06 09:27 PM Focus
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
This monster, my Master lurks beneath his hood.
Society is blinded for their own sanity,
For their own good.
Justice is a loaded gun pointing calmly at my face. Justice is a strap that burns my skin with its mighty lash. Justice is the rope that binds my wrists. Justice is the privilege in watching, and not doing. Justice is sword that scars my soul.

Pleasant dreams now go to sleep… sleep in your blood and salty tears. Slips down a coarse blade on my skin, I count the sheep and I count the sin. He chokes out the blame while cursing at shame. Turning outside myself, in this broken trust discarding the shards of glass.
Lust… his first and my last.

Step into my vision for once… for this I give you permission. Hear me breathe between your strangled sighs. You can’t see but now you know your purpose. Again the time is night, night is time for us. Don’t fear me... Embrace the pain.

You’re leaving but I still can’t breathe this air.
He is laughing and I am glad I have a partner.
I am sorry…You are the focus, I am the wicked…


Top
#79290 - 06/24/06 09:13 PM Re: Focus
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
black leather hood ,yes, wished i could hide behind it like he did no one would know me or know what i've done. the hood kept them safe ,safe from our pain,safe from our giult safe from our shame

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#79291 - 06/24/06 09:23 PM Re: Focus
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay and Shadow,

You two share a lot of simialrities in your abuse experiences, and I hope you have been able to share them withn each other to some extent. I think it's important to do that. By talking about everything we cast aside a lot of the terrible feelings we have about ourselves and the world.

May I be totally honest with you both? I wonder sometimes if you feel that the extremes of what you suffered would not be believed here by the rest of us. Trust me if you can...you ARE believed!!! We all know there is no depth to which a sexual predator will not sink. Your stories simply add specific proof to that truth.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#79292 - 06/25/06 12:50 AM Re: Focus
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
larry your right,sometimes i do wonder if even i believe it all ,talking here helps me understand that it did happen and it happened to me ,but it feels like i was someone else back then cant really explain it,its like someone elses memories ,i think thats why it so easy to write out the most horrible things.its very strange that i was talking with a friend last night and the black hood came up ,i'm not sure if i ever posted or talked about it here,but then today this post started off with the black hood.sometimes its sad the things we have in common. adam

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#79293 - 06/25/06 01:36 AM Re: Focus
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Adam,

Yes, it's a matter of trusting our own memories isn't it? I wonder if part of that doesn't go back to the survivor's difficulties with trust in general, and especially, to his problems with believing in himself and having faith in who he is.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, Publius 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.