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#79273 - 06/21/06 08:17 PM Random thoughts
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
It was as if I'd gone to live in the sky...

He was replaced by clouds masquerading as a human.

The minutes are flowing by like the grinding of passing centuries... or more like pain of a slow death.

My symbols have fallen now from lofty indignation to gutter debauch, or is this the same as it always was?

Through my pain.. I can see him standing, alone, tiny black figure on a hill in the Summer with his arms held high, streched wickedly over his head as if to embrace the sky and stars.. but he does not drop his armour or his guard.

He gives away his pale gods, his stale lies and impotent ritual... a worldly despair sets in on this child, believing in nothing except the beyond.

He never lets go of the dreams or the nightmares that bind him... and somehow it seems that this thing called forever is not as long as he thought it was.

The hours rush by and eons vanish, it occurs to me that perhaps I'm not sleeping... but merely dreaming that I am asleep... And the pain begins again.


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#79274 - 06/23/06 01:31 AM Re: Random thoughts
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
One of the things that really tears me up when I read something as beautifully sensitive and de>
_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#79275 - 06/23/06 01:41 AM Re: Random thoughts
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Bobby,

Quote:
For beauty and love to survive such evil and hate....that must be why we're all here together, helping, making sure that that can happen for each one of us. That's the victory, is it not?
It sure is, my friend. I used to think if I give up then the abuser wins again, but it's not so simple as that. If we give up, then evil itself wins again, everywhere, as beauty and love are snuffed out once again. No way.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#79276 - 06/23/06 02:00 AM Re: Random thoughts
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
dont know if this question has an answer ,but without the abuse would we be the same people we are now?would the caring and compassion that everyone here shows and feels still be there? or would we be like the [normal ] people who dont feel or care ?the people here are special because they survived ,but they are special for more than just surviving ,instinct kept us alive but we chose to make something good out of such an evil act ,we had a choice all of us we could have been filled with hate and bitterness ,we could have been like them ,if they are the evil then we are the good. how can so much good come from pure evil ? adam

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#79277 - 06/23/06 02:56 AM Re: Random thoughts
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
i guess my question is ,how did such cool flowers grow from the rotten seeds our abusers planted in our hearts?

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#79278 - 06/23/06 04:30 PM Re: Random thoughts
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
My opinion only... The only thing I learned from the abusers is that I know exactly who and what I don't ever want to be.

I think we'd be the same people, it's just that we know about pain so we'd never want to cause it for anyone else.


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#79279 - 06/26/06 11:26 PM Re: Random thoughts
jesse7 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/26/06
Posts: 105
Loc: AZ
Quote:
Originally posted by shadowkid:
how can so much good come from pure evil ?
This is the mystery of love. How can something so noble and pure come from the worst of atrocities?

It is said that in the face of certain death people become wise. When people are lying on their death bed or seeing their loved ones take in their last breath, they forget all the insignificant things like grudges, insults, why they never did certain things in life, etc... For those precious few minutes, they really begin to live. They begin to see how much time was wasted in trivial pursuits when the really important thing was that they loved and were loved.

Carrying these deep wounds of sexual and physical abuse, I cannot but wonder that survivors were exposed to something very close to death itself and this has permanently changed the way we see life now. We know life can end at any moment because it almost ended when we were mere children. Some of the wisdom has been given to survivors through those wounds. Thus the evil has been turned into something better--where unrighteousness abounded grace abounded much more Rom. 5:20

Jesse

_________________________
What lies before us and what lies behind us is nothing compared to what lies within us

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#79280 - 06/26/06 11:35 PM Re: Random thoughts
jesse7 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/26/06
Posts: 105
Loc: AZ
Quote:
Originally posted by Jaysen:
The hours rush by and eons vanish, it occurs to me that perhaps I'm not sleeping... but merely dreaming that I am asleep... And the pain begins again.
This is powerful stuff my friend. In the Upanishads, this idea of sleeping for aeons while dreaming is called Maya. The pain is the result of an unawakened Atman. Hours and aeons are no different to Atman.

Jesse

_________________________
What lies before us and what lies behind us is nothing compared to what lies within us

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#79281 - 06/27/06 08:39 PM Re: Random thoughts
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Thanks Jesse,
Not a lot of people "get" my writing. It's okay, I mean people are supposed to interpret it as they see fit. But you got it... thanks.
Jay


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