Hate - What It Means To Me

I hate and this is the worst thing.
We are tought to love each other, ourselves, God, Country
And I am filled with hate.
Hate because of what was done to me and made
To be my fault. My fault and I was a child,
11 years old, and you taught me how hate
Can be disguised as love. For I know now you didn't
Love me at all, you hated me. Thought I was a toy to be
Used and abused, worth only getting me naked,
Getting inside me, hitting me when I didn't
Do right by you. Motherfucker, you didn't do right
By me! I hate and I'm disgusted with myself because
part of me loved what I got from you. It wasn't even
A trade-off because I loved what I got from you. There, I
Said it, and I'm ashamed of it too, because I shouldn't
Have loved it. Shouldn't have loved what you made me
Do, but I did. You said I did, and my body agreed with you.
But I didn't know you were lying to me and then you
Gave me your curse, because I hate now, and I'm angry now.
Angry because you robbed me of my childhood. Robbed me
Of the ability to know myself because of all the shit
You filled me with. I was a bitch, slut, whore, cocksucker.
You loved that, didn't you? Making me lower than you. Took
A boy's love and turned it into hate because you hate. You
Hate yourself because you know what you are, and you wanted
To make me what you were. Make me an animal, and yes
I am an animal because I did it. I'm a worthless whore.
And I'm filled with hate. Hate for myself, hate for you
Hate for all the evil you did, hate for that dick you shoved
Into my mouth and made me cry. That thing you did
To me that was so disgusting I can't even talk about it.
Hate for making me so worthless I let myself be hurt
By other men just like you. Hate for all the children
Hurt by the perverts who wait for them in places they
Should be safe in. Rage I'm feeling that makes me want to kill instead of love, destroy instead of build, hide from instead of trust. All these things and more
I hate you for, but mostly because you made me believe
I was worth a fuck and fucking only. I still feel
That way in my nightmares, and I still have nightmares.
A grown man crying himself to sleep and knowing he's scum. I hate you because you made me hate myself.
Hate myself.
Hate me.


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Scot

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There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

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