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#79007 - 04/20/06 11:32 PM He Simply Could Not Feel Love
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
He simply could not feel love
But could not tell
For others loved him very much
And should they know that he could not
They just might stop
For, though he could not feel love,
He was aware that others did
And needed love from others
Very badly
Though no love from outside could make it through his outer walls

Catch 22

He'd felt love in the past he knew
And, if he worked real hard
He felt it even now
A second here
A second there
So, knew what he was looking for
Was feeling for
And he could send his own love out
And did at times
One hundred fold
He loved to feel the happy things
But sadness was the only thing
He had down cold
At that he was a maestro
And he wondered why
His life a quest for love
Surrounded by it
Suffocating in a world of air

And he grew weary of the search
Nearly giving in a time or two
An anger like you've never seen
Built up inside
At life
At God
And envy at all people everywhere
Who could feel love

Was love a myth?
Was there no such thing
And people only thought, imagined they felt love
For how could others feel this thing
This core of life
And he, alone, be left without a sense for it
And yet he watched them
Watched them feel
And wanted it so badly in his soul.

So strange that one who could not feel it
Needed it so badly
Had to know that everyone had love for him
Had to live his life to make it so
Could not stand rejection
For hate, he felt
Hate he knew
Hate was his
And how he feared it
Scarcely able to go out into the world
Lest someone hate him
Or think ill
Afraid to say his piece
Or be upset

And anger built and built
Would he explode
Go berzerk
Such happy thoughts
But,no
He'd just stay there inside
Grow sadder still
Put up a front
A happy face
And pray someone in shining armor
Knight,or maid, or tired man
Would come along before he died
And let him feel sweet love again

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#79008 - 04/21/06 01:56 AM Re: He Simply Could Not Feel Love
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Bobby,

You're writing always touches me, but this one tipped me over the edge.

Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#79009 - 04/21/06 11:42 PM Re: He Simply Could Not Feel Love
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Bobby,

I enjoyed this as I enjoyed all your poetry. I wonder at your ability to express yourself so eloquently and to deal with your issues so honestly.

On love: I feel now like I am loved, genuinely loved. But there is no dramatic defining moment so far as I can tell. Once I allowed myself to see it, I was able to discover it all around me.

Much love (for example ;\) ),
Larry

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#79010 - 04/22/06 05:53 AM Re: He Simply Could Not Feel Love
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Bobby,

Your poems always cut right to the heart of the matter. Nothing left to try to puzzle out. No "what did he mean by that?" Always clear and to the point and conveying what is or has been in my own mind and heart.

Thanks.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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