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#78917 - 04/16/06 12:45 AM Recurring themes - triggers
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11026
Loc: Denver, CO
I have some recurring themes going on in my head these days. Either mom, or kid from childhood, or the house I lived in. They all start to run together after a while. I guess this one is just another facet of what I recall from childhood.

******************************************

It’s just a house, I won’t get hurt
A nice stack of brick, surrounded by dirt
Seems tame enough, and yet within
Are memories of anger, corruption and sin

Behind the front door, insanity waits
Visions of pain as my hope deflates
Inside I head to my world of the norm
Wishing to hide, escape or transform

There’s mom standing next to the sink
Doing her business without e’en a wink
My friends moms are not the same
As she who bore me, with my last name

Advice came from her with reasons unclear
Lying and sneering were all I could hear
“Avoid that boy. He’s bad for you!”
But so are you mom, so guess what I’ll do.

I went with my friend where we reigned supreme
I was his sidekick, e’en when he was mean
Get out of this house, get far away
To stay with that “friend” another day

******************************************

©2006

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#78918 - 04/16/06 04:19 AM Re: Recurring themes - triggers
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Thanks Andy for posting this poem.
Quote:
Advice came from her with reasons unclear
Lying and sneering were all I could hear
“Avoid that boy. He’s bad for you!”
But so are you mom, so guess what I’ll do.
Me too Andy, me too. But look at us now, I am a good man, and so are you!

Love ya

Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#78919 - 04/16/06 09:39 PM Re: Recurring themes - triggers
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Andy,

I was holding it together while reading this until I got to this part:

Quote:
I went with my friend where we reigned supreme
I was his sidekick, e’en when he was mean
Get out of this house, get far away
To stay with that “friend” another day
I can certainly understand the pain and hurt in that quote. So often I went with the lesser of pains to get away from the pains in my own world. At the time, it seemed like the right choice, but always turned out to be the wrong one.

{{{{{ANDY}}}}}}

_________________________
Eddie

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#78920 - 04/16/06 09:46 PM Re: Recurring themes - triggers
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Andy,

You know what your poem shows? It shows that when a boy gets into that terrible place where he feels unloved, unwanted and invisible, he will do ANYTHING to get the attention and affection he needs. Not just you Andy, but lots of others as well. This was not your fault.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#78921 - 04/18/06 02:31 AM Re: Recurring themes - triggers
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Andy,

I can sure relate to your poem and Eddie's reply--
Quote:
At the time, it seemed like the right choice, but always turned out to be the wrong one.
I remember so many times when I sought affirmation with the neighbor kid only to have it turn out bad yet again. Not only was he a pervert, he was just plain mean. (shrug)

It's over now, and I'm in a better place. Much better. There is so much hope, Guys. We have a lot to offer others who are hurting.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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