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#78821 - 07/12/04 07:52 AM feeling bad
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I am not gay. I can not be your lover.

I am not God. I can not be your savior.

I am not near. I can not be your neighbor.

I am not therapist. I can not help your mind.

I am afraid. I can not let you hug me.

I am shy. I can not let you touch me.

I am not mad. You don't need ask forgiveness.

I am friend. I can give you my caring. I can listen when you need. I can be person to try help you.

But it's not enough.

I am not enough.

What I am, what I can do, will be taken. But then they'll want more.

What you need, I can not do. I can heal me. I can't heal you.

If you close your eyes and find the sleep to end of time, it is not because I did not care.

It is because you can't belive I do.

So who is wrong? Me or you?


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#78822 - 07/12/04 12:53 PM Re: feeling bad
Aden Offline
Member

Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 499
Who's wrong? Probably both of us.


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#78823 - 07/12/04 03:58 PM Re: feeling bad
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Andrei,

you never have to be more then who you are, or give more then you can. Anyone who expects more from you is wrong.

And if someone were to kill themself, it is their action. It does not have anything to do with you. To try to make it seem like it is fault of you or another is cowardice and cruel.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#78824 - 07/12/04 06:31 PM Re: feeling bad
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Andrei,

You do what you can. you can't save the world. Oh, boy, if one person could save the world, we'd never have to worry, would we?

But you did what you did, and believe me, that's enough.

When we show compassion, when we show we care, we are giving of what God does to another person. It's up to THEM to do with the gift as they see fit, just as it's up to US to use what God gives us.

It never feels like it's enough, Andrei, but it is. It has to be, because it's all we can do.

Be gentle with yourself, my friend. You have enough of a weight to carry. You don't have to carry someone else's. There's nothing to forgive.

I love you, my friend.

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#78825 - 07/14/04 07:35 AM Re: feeling bad
Malidin41 Offline
Member

Registered: 07/01/04
Posts: 140
Loc: Utah
There is allot of great advice here and all I can do is enforce what has already been said. No one can give more than what they are able to give and we cannot give something that is not ours to give. You have nothing to be forgiven for and you are not at fault for any actions that someone else chooses to make. You seem to be a great careing person that is all that can be expected from a true friend. From where I am sitting and from the little I know you have shown to live up to your end of the relationship. If you ever want to talk please pm me any time. Your friend malidin.

_________________________
Mother of the kingdom of silence I have obeyed you long enough!!!

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#142213 - 02/18/07 02:54 PM Re: feeling bad [Re: Malidin41]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
putting this up, it is what I am feeling right now.

Andrei


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#142244 - 02/18/07 05:13 PM Re: feeling bad [Re: ak]
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Andrei,

You don't have to be anything or anyone but who you are. That is more than enough.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#142290 - 02/19/07 12:16 AM Re: feeling bad [Re: outis]
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Andrei - A good capture of many survivor's feelings!! I particularly like Joe's focus on "enough". Most of us feel whatever we do and whoever we are - it's never enough. I think we try to fill up the hole made by our Perps. We keep pleasing others, finding acceptance outside ourselves, etc. as if others will fill up that hole. Until we start accepting things as they are and filling that hole for ourselves, w2e will never be or do enough!!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#142386 - 02/19/07 06:10 PM Re: feeling bad [Re: ScottyTodd]
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Andrei, You have always given me peace. I don't understand things like that exactly, but I always get a sense of peace from you and caring....and complete honesty. I know this poem has nothing to do with me, but I wanted you to know that. And through the gift of who you are, you have been and are now certainly a part of my healing. Bobby

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#142408 - 02/19/07 11:22 PM Re: feeling bad [Re: Bobby]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Andrei,

You spoke volumes with that poem. You can only be what you are able to be. I hope revisiting your poem helped you realize that you have done what you could and that you were able to find peace with that.

(((((Andrei)))))

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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