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#78785 - 04/02/06 07:57 PM Feeling Cheated
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11027
Loc: Denver, CO
I'm not sure where this one belongs; it's a poem, but it's spiritually oriented. Anyway...

*************************************

When, Oh Lord, will I get my chance?
When will You open the door?
I feel deserted, no reason to dance
My spirit is empty and poor

Dear Lord, I feel my time slipping past
My hope for a family is fading
I long to end this emotional fast
A dark past still keeps me waiting

I see a mother and daughter exchanging smiles
A bond that glows with femininity
Fathers and sons wrestling in piles
Celebrating their masculinity

They aren't my family, they never were
Yet I long to be involved
To these children, I'm simply "sir"
I walk the other way with life unresolved

My Lord, please hear how cheated I've been
When young, I was robbed so blind
Please replace what was taken back then
My Lord, keep me in mind

Lord, You know the state of my heart
What's torn within my soul
Please restore what was taken apart
I need you to make me whole

There's more to this life than just things and stuff
There's also a family's love
The past makes this prospect appear so tough
Lord, guide my heart from above

**************************************

Andy

©2006

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#78786 - 04/02/06 08:22 PM Re: Feeling Cheated
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Andy,

That's a powerful statement and I know how important having a family would be for you. As you deal with your issues I hope it will be easier for you to work towards this goal. Please know we can talk about this or anything else anytime.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#78787 - 04/02/06 09:11 PM Re: Feeling Cheated
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
andy our family is right here ,i couldnt imagine a more caring family ,you have about 3 thousand brothers here anytime you need them adam

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#78788 - 04/03/06 03:22 AM Re: Feeling Cheated
johnsurvived Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/20/05
Posts: 332
Loc: Arlington, Virginia
Andy,

Lord knows I'm no great Christian, but I seem to recall something, somewhere, about Him helping those who help themselves. Families do not happen overnight -- there's a fair amount of preliminary work involved, including courtship, proposal and marriage. But I believe you can have a family if it is what you want and are willing to do what it takes to create one. And, as Adam so wisely says, we'll be here to help you celebrate the steps forward and listen when you need to talk about setbacks. My sense, too, from the fathers who have posted here, is that survival is in some ways a good preparation for fatherhood -- you may find yourself better able to understand and better prepared for a child's issues than a non-survivor. Just some thoughts.

Hugs,
John

_________________________
Take for us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards; for our vines have tender grapes. Song of Solomon 2:15

But let justice roll down as waters, and righteousness as a mighty stream. Amos 5:24

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#78789 - 04/03/06 05:24 AM Re: Feeling Cheated
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Andy,

This is a beautiful poem, it reminds me of the longing of the people of Israel in the OT for a Savior. I can hear the ache in your soul for what you are calling out to God for, it's the need to feel whole with another.

A part of your poem that struck me was "I see a mother and daughter exchanging smiles, A bond that glows with femininity". My oldest daughter (15) was sitting next to me in church tonight, and as the congregation was singing a hymn I listened to her singing next to me and thought of how beautiful God made females and how much of a contrast they are to males. It's that kind of longing I see in your poem, to have that kind of beauty in your life and I want it for you as well.

Do not despair, my friend. I pray for you often, and I know that God is going to bring you the right person at the right time. As you know, He brought my second wife into my life at just the right time, which was almost 18 years ago now. After 3 weeks of courtship, I asked her to marry me, and obviously it has worked for us. But don't rush into anything if it doesn't feel right. Take your time when you meet someone, and ensure that she is the right one.

I hear your ache and God does too.

_________________________
Eddie

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#78790 - 04/03/06 05:59 AM Re: Feeling Cheated
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Andy,

I read your poem and sat here and cried for you. I could just feel the pain in the words as they jumped off the page. I'm not expert enough to offer advise to you in this area except to say that progress is made when one is willing to become vulnerable. The problem is that in your case the one you choose to approach has a choice in the matter as well. Tough row to hoe but each one of us guys here who is married to a risk, and it worked for us. I feel like I'm not telling you anything here that you don't already know for yourself, or that we haven't already talked about, but it's what I have to offer I guess.

I like what Eddie said "I hear your ache and God does too."

{{{{{{Andy}}}}}}

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#78791 - 04/03/06 11:33 AM Re: Feeling Cheated
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Andy,

Coming back to this, I hope you will not compare your own situation to that of other guys here who are married and have families. A lot of us have come to where we are now via a very painful road. We may be happy now, but man, it wasn't always this way.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#78792 - 04/03/06 06:33 PM Re: Feeling Cheated
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11027
Loc: Denver, CO
Larry,

no comparisons. But I am amazed how others have been able to marry and feel I could learn from the guys who have married. All I keep saying is 'I want that too.'

Andy

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#78793 - 04/03/06 07:05 PM Re: Feeling Cheated
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Andy,

And you can have it my friend. I don't see any reason at all why you couldn't.

That said, I KNOW for sure that if something were to stick me back on the singles scene in my mid-50s, I would find it very difficult to cope. So I'm not trying to downplay any of the real or apparent problems.

I was able to settle down and marry because I met an amazing woman. I'm not perfect and neither is she; I guess we are just perfect together.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#78794 - 04/03/06 07:06 PM Re: Feeling Cheated
TX_Space Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/02/05
Posts: 163
Loc: Texas
Andy,
What a beautiful poem! I agree with all that has been said above. I will keep you in my prayers that you find that love and that family.

(((Andy)))

God Bless You.
Ken


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