I think you are really hitting upon an important part of recovery when you say this:
Can't be afraid
Must trust that he's gone
Must feel safe
For me recovery brought me knowledge of some pretty important truths about myself: things like I wasn't alone, I wasn't guilty, and so on. But I wondered why this knowledge wasn't helping me as much as I thought it would.
Then I realized that while I knew these things intellectually I didn't yet believe them in my heart. I thought that when that started to happen I would really be making good progress.
In a way that has been true, but I see I am still not done in this process, because while I know these things and believe them, I still don't TRUST them. That is, I still don't have the confidence to build my life on them and act on them. I wonder will this all fall apart and send me right back to zero.
Interestingly, discovering this hasn't frustrated me or sent me into a tailspin like it would have done two years ago, just as discovering this stage of trust seems not to trouble you too much. So maybe we are already trusting ourselves more than we think.
I'm not even going to ask if this makes any sense! :rolleyes: